LMN 2-4-14 He really IS the Right Shark.

LMN 2-4-14 He really IS the Right Shark.

LMN 2-4-14 He really IS the Right Shark.

I made the mistake of clicking the link to the Jordanian pilot that ISIS killed. I also googled a Nicki Minaj song title and immediately regretted that as well. I don’t think even the best horror writers can come up with the twisted things that go on in the headlines. I knew better to click the link (the pilot, not Nicki Minaj), but did it anyway. Guess it’s those vaccines I had as a child kicking in.

The House votes to repeal and replace Obamacare. President Obama promises to veto that. I’ll be his second big veto since he and Congress vowed to work together. Guys, you’re doing it wrong. They’re all about as effective as Katy Perry’s “Left Shark.” (to be fair, the “Left Shark” was only at the Superbowl so he wouldn’t get fined). Meanwhile, the House and Senate passed the “Vet Suicide Prevention Bill.” It’s headed to President Obama's desk. Of course, Obama has a big golf outing set for today so he'll probably just cut to the chase and add an “o” at the end of “Vet.”

A European model predicts another winter storm for the Northeast. Well played, Gisele Bundchen. Well played.

Not to have its fame pushed aside by the measles, the first large-scale Ebola vaccine trial began this week. I can’t bring myself to make another Ebola joke, I’m SICK of it. I’d make an ILL attempt to write a punchline but it probably wouldn’t go VIRAL.

Unless something happens by Monday, same gender couples in Alabama will be able to have a 50-50 chance of losing half their stuff in a nasty divorce. Here’s an idea: can we get gay married if we’re straight? Say you have a friend who needs health insurance. Could you “marry” them so they could be on YOUR company insurance? Granted, you’d have to get gay-divorced before you could get straight-married to someone else because polygamy is a different thing. Yesterday I saw a clip of some insane women on that insipid show “The Bachelor.” If I’m the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals, I’m going to rule that NOBODY has the right to get married EVER based solely on “The Bachelor.”

And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1789, George Washington was unanimously elected president of the United States. That must have been tough to be elected and not have a previous administration upon which to blame everything.

Google executives are planning to introduce what they say will be an improved version of Uber. I say we start calling it “GOOBER” now! I’ll go register the domain name and copyright it so they’ll have to buy it from me. In theory, this works the same way as the popular ride-sharing service, except with Google involved, you have to search for your car.

Charles Manson and his fiancé took out a wedding license a couple months back, but have yet to hold the wedding and the license is about to expire! It’s probably safe to return that crock pot you got them. The prison wedding planner they were going to use says this is simply a case of “Altar-Skelter.”

The Seattle Seahawks will offer their star running-back Marshawn Lynch a contract extension that will double his current deal. Lynch just wishes they would have given him the ball at the end of the game.

Speaking OF Seattle, they get their first marijuana-dispensing vending machine this week. And you got mad before when the Doritos got stuck…

And … Terrence Cody, the beloved “Mt Cody” of Alabama fame, lost his job with the Ravens thanks to being indicted on animal cruelty charges. It involves a dog, weed and an alligator. Now Cody must face a lot of liti-gators.

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