The FCC has approved Net Neutrality, so the government will soon regulate your internet just like a utility. I’m against it, but maybe it will limit the amount of food pictures we have to see on Instagram.
Cullman County wants to use money left over from the 2011 tornado disaster to repair roads. Tell me, what is “leftover money?” Is that like “leftover wine?” Or “leftover chocolate?” No such thing.
Marijuana is now legal in Washington DC. Great. Now when a politician says they don't remember, it's probably true. Plus it will now take people at least five minutes to climb over White House fence unless they spot Obama’s secret snack stash.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1801, Washington DC, was placed under the jurisdiction of Congress. That explains so much.
On this date in 1939, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that sit-down strikes were illegal. Protestors said they wouldn't take the news standing up.
And … the two incidents that yesterday broke the internet.
First, we have #TheDress. A picture was posted of a (not very pretty) dress and everyone is losing their minds trying to decide what colour it is. To me, it looks white and gold but to other (wrong) people, it looks blue and black. Society is imploding because to us “it’s white and gold” people, if you squint your eyes the dress appears in blue and black. I just did it AND NOW THE DRESS IS BLUE AND BLACK. This is the way the world ends; with questionable ready-to-wear.
The second incident that caused a work stoppage was the wild run had by a pair of llamas in Sun City, Arizona. A black llama and a white llama ran amok thru the city proving that ebony and ivory DO go together in perfect harmony. Millions of people (who weren’t arguing over #TheDress) were glued to the Great Llama Escape for hours until the critters were safely captured. The rampage began when the black llama told the white one they were going to escape and the white llama said, “Great! ALPACA bag.”
Just remember, while we’re all watching escaped llamas and trying to figure out what colour a dress is … china is doing math and has nuclear weapons pointed at us.
