LMN 4-17-15 The Force is strong with this news.

LMN 4-17-15 The Force is strong with this news.

LMN 4-17-15 The Force is strong with this news.

funny-star-wars-pictures1

The new “Star Wars” trailer is out! It is 2 minutes of Jar Jar Binks being disemboweled so I’ve already bought 100 tickets. No seriously, any smart politician would have announced their candidacy by paying to have it edited into this trailer. Every other Facebook status has been changed to “Chewy … we’re home” and I felt a great disturbance in the Twitter, as if millions of voices cried out the same Star Wars jokes all at once and were suddenly unfollowed. I’ve realized I have to unfriend some people because they don’t know the correct sequence of the films.

Yes, my top story was on Star Wars. What? You want I should lead with the dude who parked Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the Capitol lawn? Or Hillary and her #Vanghazi? There are only two important things today; STAR and WARS.

The White House is adding security spikes around the perimeter fence to hopefully keep the unwashed masses out. Wow, their HOA is going to be extremely put out.

And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1492, Christopher Columbus got the go ahead to look for a new trade route to India and found the Bahamas. Why do we celebrate a guy who couldn’t ask for directions?

Also on this date but in 1964, the Ford Motor Company unveiled the Mustang. So the Mustang is now old enough to receive mail from AARP?

The Cleveland Browns have unveiled new uniforms because, after all, it IS uniforms that win games. Just ask the Ducks.

American Express cardholders will soon be able to make payments with their fitness bands. Considering how far you have to go to find a place that accepts American Express, you should be getting in some great workouts.

Olive Garden has announced that it will provide tablet computers at every table. That’s cool! Last time I was in Olive Garden I got to meet the head chef; The Microwave.

And … Bruce Jenner is reportedly cutting off ties with the Kardashians. Actually, he is cutting off more than that.

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