Greetings from the Eagle sick bay! Last week I felt kinda draggy and had a sore throat so Saturday I finally went to the doctor. I told him, “Glad I got here in time; I’ve got a cold and wanted to get some meds before it turns into bronchitis like it always does.” He tells me, “You DIDN’T get here in time, you have walking pneumonia.”
Awesome! So I’m going home to be miserable there instead of being miserable at work. Here’s a few headlines first …

Tropical storm Ana made landfall in the Carolinas. It’s not coming anywhere near here but I say we evacuate anyway.

Michele Obama, addressing graduates at Tuskegee University, spoke of the “emotional toll” of being the first black First Lady. Oh boo hoo hoo. The nice clothes, expensive dinners and travelling with her entourage must all be soooo taxing. Here Michelle, have some organic kale and go away.

David Cameron has been reelected the UK’s Prime Minister. His opponents will be now forced to live in the River Thames where they shall remain until a great hero pulls Excalibur out of Big Ben or something. I THINK that’s how British politics work.

New reports show that 67% of twenty somethings have put away something for their retirement. Unfortunately, for most, it’s an iTunes gift card

And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1929, the first regularly scheduled TV broadcasts begin. The one person who owned a TV said, “Oh, yay! Finally, something to watch!”

On this date in 1949, Siam changed its name to Thailand because they were sick of the “Yes, Siam” jokes.

Discount airline Ryanair had a flight take off with no toilet paper on board after their CEO announced he was considering charging $1.50 per-passenger for-in-flight bathroom use. Hardly seems fair. They’d basically be charging you for those beverages twice! Once on the way in and again on the way out. This has put numerous passengers on the “no-ply” list.

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on the planet on behalf of God. You’d think that God being God wouldn’t really need her help. And besides, all the lawyers are in the OTHER place.

Cool! A study says that dolphins form social networks like people. This also helps explain the popularity of Finbook.

And … An 8-year old boy was found folded inside a suitcase when the luggage was X-rayed by Spanish customs officials. At least they were almost able to avoid the $75.00 unfolded boy fee.