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LMN 6-3-15 Ponies, donuts and other people’s business

LMN 6-3-15 Ponies, donuts and other people’s business

LMN 6-3-15 Ponies, donuts and other people’s business

(This picture has nothing to do with any of today’s stories, except KINDA the pony one. I just thought it was profound).

funny-horse-memes-12

 

The FBI has been using small planes to fly over cities to collect cellphone and video data. So far, no luck. They can’t find a single person who’s excited about ANYBODY who is currently running for president.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter has resigned amid the corruption scandal. The hardest thing about running world soccer is taking bribes without using your hands. FIFA’s ethics committee says the corruption goes deeper still. Wait — a sporting institution has an ETHICS COMMITTEE? And does “Sepp Blatter” sound like a urinary infection to anyone else?

The man accused of attempting to shoot George Zimmerman in the head in May 2015, plans to use the Stand Your Ground defense in his trial. That was brought up often in Zimmerman’s trial. What goes around comes around, and sometimes it comes around to bite you on the rear end.

The promotional campaign for the 2015 Special Olympics ‘World Games’ to be held in Los Angeles this summer, features commercials with the catch phrase “Reach Up, L.A . But the fact is, in L.A., if you’re saying “Reach Up” to a stranger, and you don’t ALREADY have your gun pulled, you’re in a lot of trouble.

American Pharoah will try to become horse racing’s first Triple Crown winner since 1978 this Saturday at the Belmont Stakes. The pony faces some tough competition; I hear Sarah Jessica Parker is running. American Pharoah has a misspelled name; these days that makes him truly “America’s Horse!” I hope AP wins! The horse I picked back during the Derby was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. This horse was so late getting home he had to tiptoe into the stable.

And a few things you need to know …

In 1942, the “Battle of Midway” began during World War II. Midway, so you know, is located between here and there, somewhere in the middle.

On this date in 1978, San Jan Priesand became the first female rabbi in the U.S. Finally, women were able to walk into a bar with a catholic priest and an imam and be part of a joke.

A Canadian judge has ruled that three of the biggest tobacco companies must pay $12 billion dollars to Quebec smokers too stupid to know that smoking is bad for them. $12 Billion? That’s, what? About three packs of cigarettes?

National Donut Day is Friday. I don’t always eat donuts, but when I do it’s because someone brought them for the sales department and I steal one when nobody’s looking.

The government caretakers for Switzerland’s will close it to climbers on the 150th anniversary of the first ascent of its summit. How do you “close-down” a mountain? Roll huge boulders in front of the cave doors? At least the Matterhorn ride at Disneyland will still be open that day.

Dwayne Johnson will star in the remake of “Big Trouble in Little China” that is not wanted by a single person on this planet.

And … Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are expecting their second child together, as foretold in The Book of Revelation. Meanwhile, not everyone is entranced by Caitlyn Jenner. The sons who were raised by the Olympian Formerly Known As Bruce say, “Maybe Caitlyn will be a better person than Bruce was.” Ouch!

I can’t believe we’re even talking about this BUT … Caitlyn is being hailed as courageous and heroic for (mostly) transitioning into a woman. I’m all for being who you want to be, for following your heart, for not caring if people don’t accept you for who you want to be … but is THIS really “heroic?”
To me, the “courage” to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery and the “heroism” to sit for glam Photoshopped fashion spreads is a far cry from the courage it takes to pick up a weapon and go fight in the sandbox for a lot of whiny, ungrateful people who would like to kill you.
Some soldiers probably want to completely change their lives just as Bruce/Caitlyn did. Too bad they didn’t make millions off reality TV or, more importantly, come back alive. Might just be me, but words like “courage” and “heroic” have a deeper meaning where I come from. And no, I wasn’t born in “Hate-ville,” but I did live 20 minutes away from “Idon’tcareaboutotherpeople’sbusiness-burg.”

(I expect to get in trouble for this story, probably from some of my own friends. I’ll probably catch heat for referencing an old rabbi/priest/imam joke as well but hey, I also lived a county over from “LightenUp-opolis.”).

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