LMN 7-23-15 Pillow fights, hacking and drones. Oh My!

LMN 7-23-15 Pillow fights, hacking and drones. Oh My!

LMN 7-23-15 Pillow fights, hacking and drones. Oh My!

Donald Trump is visiting Texas today to get a first-hand look at the border. The issue of secession is also sure to come up. Oh, not Texas leaving the Union — that dead wolverine wants to secede from the top of Trump’s head.
Just curious; if Donald Trump keeps ticking off all of the other Republican candidates and he wins the nomination, how is he going to pick a running mate? A new reality show, “So You Think You Can VEEP?”
Meanwhile, Senator Lindsey Graham made a video of himself destroying his cell phone after Donald Trump gave out his personal number. Because nothing says “presidential” like recklessly smashing stuff. I know Lindsey is anti-tech, but how hard is it to just change your number? I’m just embarrassed that a US Senator is still using a flip phone.

A U.S. drone strike has killed a leading terrorist from the Al Qaeda umbrella group, Khorasan. If these terrorist umbrella groups are so cunning and clever, why can’t they come up with drone-proof umbrellas?

Ashley Madison, a website that promotes having affairs was hacked, the information on its 37 Million users compromised. Their slogan was, “Life is short. Have an affair.” It’s about to change to, “Life will be even shorter. She’s about to find out.”

Leprosy-infected armadillos are roaming all over Florida. Tourists are being warned not to pick them up because #JadeHelm or something.

And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1885, Ulysses S. Grant, the 18th U.S. president, died. He had asked to be cremated, but as much as he drank, they were afraid the fire wouldn’t go out for months.

On this date in 1998, scientists announced they had been able to clone 50 mice. Finally, our nation’s terrible mouse shortage was over.

The largest pillow fight in history occurred this week at a minor league baseball game in St. Paul, Minnesota. Oh – I thought it was supposed to be taking place amongst the GOP candidates. Considering a baseball game can be both very long and very boring; it’s really not a bad idea to bring pillows.

A fire aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise ship near Jamaica forced hostages – er – I mean, “passengers,” away from binge eating in their sweatpants and into their emergency stations. This is the second of their floating port-a-potties to catch fire. Royal Caribbean could soon face fines for impersonating Carnival.

And … Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj are feuding on Twitter. Now Katy Perry has waded into the storm, Tweeting to them both: “Finding it ironic to parade the pit women against other women argument about as one unmeasurably capitalizes on the take down of a woman…” Ooooo snap! Wait. What? That is the barely comprehensible truth in 140 characters.

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