It’s a bad day to be Monica Lewinski’s ex-boyfriend’s wife; Hillary has to turn her private server over to the Justice Department AND is losing to Bernie Sanders in the polls. Only way her Wednesday could get worse would be if pantsuits suddenly went out of style- oh.

The EPA is apologizing for accidentally polluting a river with mine waste. They say there will be no effect on wildlife since they put some fish in the tainted water and only one died. I’d like to think the Environmental Pollution Agency had something more scientific than, “Lookie there; a fish died” to test the waters.

President Obama might sign an executive order relaxing laws banning hemp production. It could be part of his “No Child of the 60’s Left Behind,” program.

A Budweiser beer truck driver distracted by a dog overturned on a Florida highway, scattering beer cans all down the road. As part of the cleanup procedure, the department of motor vehicles immediately set up a Barbeque and a projection television to show NASCAR.

“Rogue” drone operators now being considered a cause for alarm. In addition to interfering with emergency crews and entering sensitive airspace, private citizens are sick of being buzz-bombed by anonymous peeping-Tom robots like something out of a Phillip K. Dick novel.

And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1877, Thomas Edison recorded sound with his invention, the Edisonphone. He went on to invent the Edison-pod, the Edison-pad and the Edison-watch.

On this date in 1898, Hawaii was annexed to the United States… after our Secretary of State sat through a five hour “time share” demonstration.

The Minnesota Vikings have led the NFL with the most arrests for five straight years. This from the official team Bail Bondsman.

And …The Mars Curiosity Rover captured an image the UFO people say is a female standing on a Martian rock. Yay, they finally found Amelia Earhart!

*Warning! Outrage alert!* Some complainey-pants loser wrote an article in Newsweek calling the POW/MIA flag racist and demanding its removal … and people are actually GOING ALONG WITH THIS LAMEBRAINED IDEA. Can we remove Newsweek? I didn’t know it was still around. I can’t wait to see the drone footage of people trying to rip down POW/MIA flags like they did with the Confederate flag. Watch as some jerks get repeatedly shot by guys who lost buddies in Nam. And hey – Welcome Home.