LMN 12-2-15 Glitter: the new face of evil.

LMN 12-2-15 Glitter: the new face of evil.

LMN 12-2-15 Glitter: the new face of evil.

The Pentagon plans to send additional U.S. special operations forces to Iraq to conduct raids on Islamic State targets. To keep the government’s promise of “no boots on the grounds”, the troops will all be wearing loafers.

Director Spike Lee has said that Donald Trump “is like Hitler.” Needless to say, Hitler supporters are highly insulted.

Crimson Tide defensive coordinator Kirby Smart will become Georgia’s new head coach. Tide fans wish him well … until Georgia plays Alabama.

A “Christian Author” from Hoover says the Freemasons made him rob the Carmike movie theatre at Lee Branch (spoiler alert: they didn’t). Turnabout IS s fair play thought — movie theatres have been robbing us for YEARS so it was their turn.

On Cyber Monday, Amazon was averaging 500 sales every second. Most of them were mine.

This has been making the rounds. Two Australian teen girls ran away to join ISIS. They were given key roles on an advisory council and enjoyed the respect of their peers. Just kidding. They were married off, raped and then beaten to death when they tried to escape. If you are a female thinking you want to join ISIS you might as well preface it with, “Hey y’all – watch this!” Because it truly IS that level of dumb.

No reason to panic even though Christmas is three weeks from Friday. Oh. I didn’t realize it was just three weeks from Friday. Aren’t Christmas presents like wedding gifts? You have a 6 month grace period? I already bought my own gift — the rest, well, we’ll just see what happens.
And a few things you need to know …

On this date in 1952, for reasons no one understood, a live human birth was shown on TV for the very first time. I could just hear the director: “OK, we need you to stop pushing! It’s time for a commercial break!”

On this date in 1927, the very first Model A Ford was sold for $385. Now, if you’re lucky, that’s your payment.

The latest holiday fashion trend? Glitter pits. Yes, people on Instagram are smearing glitter on their armpits and telling the rest of us it is awesome. Great, the antiperspirant industry is going to go under because people are clogging their pores with coloured shards of glitter. I did a story yesterday about the woman who got THREE separate infections from wearing a glitter hair tie on her wrist. It should be obvious that glitter is trying to kill us.

Quentin Tarantino’s new film “The Hateful Eight” is 3 hours long and even has an intermission. That way all the killers can rest up and have a strong second half.

Brad Pitt says he wanted more kids. They already have 6 what was he shooting for? A soccer team?

And remember – breakfast is the most important meal of the day – unless it’s celery, which can now kill you. That is the latest recall that doesn’t involve you or anyone you know. Once E Coli starts showing up in bacon we’ll have a problem.

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