LMN 12-8-15 Terror, bacteria and a happy dog story.

LMN 12-8-15 Terror, bacteria and a happy dog story.

LMN 12-8-15 Terror, bacteria and a happy dog story.

Turns out the family of the San Bernardino terrorists, who said they have no ties to terror groups in Pakistan, have ties to terror groups in Pakistan. Wait. A guy on the terror “watch list” would lie to us about it? I’m shocked. SHOCKED!

Homeland security unveils a new terror alert system that will reveal alert when there is no confirmed threat. I miss the old rainbow connection system we had after 9/11 2001 … but I guess the gay rights people wanted their flag back.

Russia has gifted to France a new police dog, to replace the brave Diesel who was killed when a sleezy female homicide bomber blew herself up during the Paris manhunt. The new dog is happy to be in France, as it’s freezing in Russia and he was a very chili dog.

Vice President Biden met Monday with Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko and Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk, hoping the entire time he wouldn’t have to correctly pronounce their names.

Beijing is under its first ever pollution Red alert. If you’ve seen the pictures you know for years people have been slicing off pieces of the air and hauling them to the dump. You have to chew each breath before you swallow there.

Scientists say there is a new super bug out there that will kill us. This new bacteria is resistant to antibiotics and known to kill up to 50 percent of those infected. It has a catchy name though: The Phantom Menace. Symptoms include; boring discussions of a trade blockade of a back water planet, C-Span quality council debates, numerous costume changes and a bad bunny/fish/knock off Rastafarian. Seriously – Jar Jar Binks is the Yoko Ono of Star Wars.

And a few things you need to know …

Eli Whitney was born on this date in 1765. Eli, of course, is famous for inventing the cotton gin. Unfortunately, he died before the cotton tonic was invented.

On this date in 1863, President Lincoln unveiled his plan to rebuild the south. To save money, he suggested that we buy everything at IKEA.

There is no way they are going to give the Heisman to Derek Henry, he hasn’t committed enough crimes to be eligible. Oh, wait! I was thinking of the HEISTman award, not the Heisman award.

A study says that vegetarians are less optimistic about the future than meat eaters. Wait a minute — don’t vegetarians avoid meet so they get more future? So, they get more, but dread it? Pass the bacon!

And … A restaurant group is suing New York City over a rule requiring warning labels for sodium content. This healthy eating push is so out of control, the other day a restaurant owner was arrested “a salt and buttery” charges.

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