LMN 12-29-15 Last news of the year plus a “look back” at the silly stuff 2015 did

LMN 12-29-15 Last news of the year plus a “look back” at the silly stuff 2015 did

LMN 12-29-15 Last news of the year plus a “look back” at the silly stuff 2015 did

  • Home
  • Uncategorized
  • LMN 12-29-15 Last news of the year plus a “look back” at the silly stuff 2015 did

On this date in 1846, Iowa was admitted as the 29th state in the union. Iowa – where they count the days till an election makes them relevant again.

A drone was brought down flying too close to President Obama’s motorcade in Hawaii. The drone operator said he simply didn’t know that was Obama’s car and was not arrested. Note: “I didn’t know” is now a viable excuse for avoiding arrest or detention.

Whiny rich boy Ethan Couch, the teen who killed four people while driving drunk and blamed Affluenza, has been picked up at a Mexican resort where the “Love Boat” used to visit. Now we’ll get to see if money can buy happiness in a Mexican prison.

Now that the fuss has died down, did you ever stop and think that for a few seconds we did NOT have a Miss Universe? We were completely vulnerable to alien attack!

After heavy rains in north Alabama, the Tennessee river reaches flood stage. Hey – if Casinos in the state HAVE to be on the water here is your chance.

What is with the death of Lemon-themed people? First Meadowlark Lemon of the Harlem Globetrotters, now, Lemmy from Motorhead has died. Lemmy’s grave digger has promised the best burial ever – he’s an ace with spades.
On this date in 1956, the US announced a strategic plan for the Middle East. This from a bunch of men who can’t come up with a family peace plan for Christmas dinner.

Iraqi forces say they’ve FINALLY driven Islamic State out of the City of Ramadi. Hey, why are we bombing ISIS? Just put Gus Malzhan in charge of them and they’ll fall apart.

Hampering cotton bowl plans, many residents and visitors to Texas have been warned about more horrendous weather… IT’s advice that was issued in the summer and has been renewed on a regular basis. Kinda like here.

The Olive Garden in Times Square says it will charge 400 dollars per person on New Year’s Eve. That is about 389 dollars too much. I once asked to meet the head chef of Olive Garden, they brought out a microwave.

Christmas Eve Spectators on a pier in Japan got to view a giant squid swimming just under the surface. Let us hope it swims close enough to Fukishima so it’ll soon be big and glowing enough to fight Godzilla.

And then there is this …
Welcome to another Year in Review thing. All the news channels do it so why not burn some expensive air time on the same? Here are some of the top items we looked at on our phones in 2015.

The New England patriots got caught deflating footballs in the Superbowl. Proving that cheating has consequences … and sometimes those consequences are winning the SuperBowl.

In February, NBC suspended Nightly News anchor Brian Williams for making up news. He became as untrustworthy as the networks reporting on him.

Also in February – Leonard Nimoy was beamed up for the last time.

Moving on to March 2015. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved the sale of genetically modified produce, stating the frankenfruit is “completely safe” provided that consumers “do not taunt them or put them near their faces.”

Looking back on April 2015 – The Black Lives matter protests continue. 250 arrested in Boston as Al Sharpton valiantly appealed for calm, attempting to bring peace and reason through logical discoursehahahahahaha. Just a trick to see if you were still reading.

Then we had the Florida mailman who landed a homemade gyrocopter on the Capitol lawn. Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang was confiscated, he was arrested and charged with impersonating that bug-eyed guy from the Road Warrior movies. If only the freaked-out Congress had some way of alerting them to the arrival of a mail carrier, like a dog.

In May of 2015 … remember when Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, churned out another royal baby? The little Princess joins a long heritage of appearing interested in an endless barrage of ribbon cuttings and waving at people.

Also in May, crippling unemployment didn’t stop Americans from betting on American Pharaoh to win the Kentucky Derby. By winning the Triple Crown, AP avoided changing his name to “Elmers.”

Moving to look back on June of 2015 – it became illegal to point out that the future “Woman of the Year” was still genetically a dude and that everyone should be forced to accept the fact that your former dad looks better in a corset than you.

Also in June 2015, the Treasury Department decided to put a female on money, so they asked for the input of the Public (which can have catastrophic results as any reality show contestant will tell you). This is why we’ll get to vote between Kim Kardashian and Elsa from Frozen.

It was this month as well in which Donald Trump declared his candidacy and we’ve been flooded with soundbites ever since.

In July 2015 we welcomed Windows 10, which basically turns your computer running 8.1 back into 7.

Even though we saw a probe partially designed by Brian May of Queen reach PLUTO and take stunning hi res shots … the world was outraged when a Minnesota dentist killed Cecil the Lion. People are still so upset about that lion they didn’t know existed until July of 2015. This was the month Humanity had a choice; believe in quests larger than ourselves and the thrill of discovery, or get butthurt because a rich guy did something. We chose … poorly. (And by “we” I don’t include myself or Clint in the HR department).

On to August 2015 – remember when the republicans held their first debate? There were about 80 people onstage from Donald Trump to the ghost of Pol Pot.

This was also the month Hillary Clinton’s email scandal really took flight. It was discovered she was securing classified documents with the password “PASSWORD.”

September of 2015 saw inane bickering from both sides in the reality show “So You Think You Can President: Stage VS Street” is best left forgotten because we’ve got MONTHS left of it.

The iPhone 6s came out and people were grateful to have a new Apple babysitter.

I’ll wrap up the rest of 2015 tomorrow. Unless I forget or don’t feel like bothering. My one wish for 2016 is that we can wake up just ONE morning and not be offended by absolutely EVERYTHING.

Recommended Posts

Loading...