Hiya! Been swamped and sadly the blog was the first thing to get cut off my “to do” list. Plus I do it live every day on air so the news is there … just hasn’t been here for the three of you who read it. So — let us get down to what passes for news in this gin joint…
The FBI has released transcripts from the [REDACTED] night club shooting. The White House ordered all mention of ISIS or Islam redacted or [REDACTED]. Also out of Orlando, the gator attack 911 [REDACTED] transcript has been released, all mention of alligators have been redacted or [REDACTED]. Makes as much sense.
Donald Trump fires his campaign manager. Dude – the easiest way to not get fired is to be just SLIGHTLY better than the worst guy in a campaign. Meanwhile, a 19 year old [REDACTED] charged after grabbing an officer’s gun at a rally, saying he would kill Donald Trump. Again, Trump has provided job openings for 19 year old would be assassins – making license plates and being a professional girlfriend in prison.
The teenager accused of impersonating a doctor has parted ways with his lawyer. You know how many [REDACTED] lawyer jokes there are? Only three, the rest are true stories.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1954, the American Cancer Society reported higher death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers. It was a [REDACTED] study done by the Department of DUH.
It is time to get out and hit those “After Solstice” sales! Thanks everyone who stayed late at my [REDACTED] Solstice party to clean up the goat blood.
Today is national yoga day. I need to get a [REDACTED] yoga bag; I can only cram like 3 burritos and two Cokes into the one I have now.
Also, [REDACTED] is National Selfie Day. Remember: the selfies that you DON’T post, are what you REALLY look like.
In providence Rhode Island, a Brinks truck lost over 20 grand when the back doors blew open. Those trucks can withstand machine gun fire and [REDACTED] – how about investing in a $10 lock for the back door?
They’re making “Monopoly – the musical!” Unless someone pays [REDACTED] ransom in time and can stop them.
Hey Bama peeps: I-22 has opened after 80 years! There are those of us who have never known life without the meandering, Lovecraftian construction that is Corridor X. “That which is under construction can never be constructed.” People have been born, [REDACTED] and died during the planning and building yet X is STILL not connected to 31. Guess when that will happen! Go on, guess. The closet to the actual date without going over wins a fabulous prize, IF you are still alive to collect it.
A new [REDACTED] says playing with princess dolls reinforces stereotypical female behavior. OK. IMO a “stereotypical female” is one who works, takes care of everything in the household, takes care of the kids, [REDACTED] makes the plans all while trying to pursue something she loves to do on the side and maybe relax for a second while taking no mess from anyone. Wait – these eggheads believe that I start playing with princess dolls I can dance around the woods with my hair looking perfect and sing to [REDACTED] woodland critters? Or I can have super cool snow making superpowers? Or sleep for 100 years? SIGN. ME. UP.
