LMN 3/3/14 Needs a Title
by Lisa Mason
posted Mar 3 2014 8:09AM
Russian troops are seizing key positions as they begin occupying Ukraine. Moscow says they’re not occupying, they’re merely delivering humanitarian aid with tanks and troops. In Vladimir Putin's defense, the Russian Army band started playing the rebel government off the stage at least 5-minutes ago. I mean, have some professionalism, people! If you missed it, while Obama thought he was flexing his diplomatic muscles, Russia invaded the Crimea region. Looks like Vlad really upped the stakes. Get it? Vlad? Stakes? Anyway, in a shocking move of support, Congress says they’ll back President Obama 100% as he duels politically with Vlad Putin. There’s a chance Obama could outplay Putin on the world stage … if Putin has been paid to throw the fight.
“He say you bradewunner!” Remember him? The Oscar Pistorius murder trial starts today. I see what Pistorius is doing; he is going to jail for 25 years and when he gets released ... Bam! President of South Africa. That's how it works over there, right?
Yet another winter storm shuts down Washington DC. No work is getting done so it’s a lot like every other day.
Good news adventure seekers -- Nepal is lowering the price to climb Mt. Everest. I'm still going to wait for the elevator to go in. And for someone to move it to Tahiti.
And a few things you need to know …
In 1845, Florida became our 27th state. It was a great deal. Spain not only gave us the state, but they threw in the Keys!
President Hoover signed the bill that made the "Star Spangled Banner" our official national anthem on this date in 1931. Makes you wonder what we yelled "play ball" after, before that? I wrote an anthem once, but nobody would stand for it! Hey! I'm here all day. Don't forget to tip your traffic reporter.
In a new interview, the Dalai Lama says watching TV is a waste of time. Apparently, someone has never seen an episode of Duck Dynasty. Oh wait. He’s right!
Nope. Didn’t watch the Oscars. Forgot they were on. But I DO know a member of the Academy walks in to a bar. "Bartender," he says, "give me a drink." Bartender asks, "What’ll ya have?" Academy member says, "Something not too high budget, released later in the year, has not too much action or comedy, and takes itself very seriously." Bartender punches him in the face.
Plastic Jesus (the underground L.A. street artist, of whom you’ve never heard), is in trouble with the Motion Picture Academy. He constructed an 8-foot replica of the golden Oscar statue shooting heroin into his arm then set it up on Hollywood Boulevard. Severely ticked off, Academy President Cheryl Boone said, "I don't care if it rains or freezes, bring me the head of Plastic Jesus."
And … Here’s your first warning – next Sunday we’ll spring forward. I hate the time change. Nothing makes you go from “I’m having a fun night out with my friends” to “Holy poop I have a problem” like Daylight Saving time. If you don’t know the story – Daylight Saving time was a concept invented by Benjamin Franklin as a way to kill lazy vampires.