LMN 1-24-14 WAY too much about those sweaters
by Lisa Mason
posted Jan 24 2014 7:40AM
The new US Olympic Team’s outfits have been unveiled. They are 100% made in the USA and 100% horrible. Designer Ralph Lauren (who used to know better) unveiled them yesterday, and needs to RE-veil them because good googly moogly they are eye-poppingly ugly. Honestly, our athletes look like they were going to the Olympics and their mothers forced them to wear the sweater that nutty old Aunt May knitted circa 1985. Wait … perhaps Mr. Lauren is actually onto something here. “Ugly Christmas Sweater” parties have been a large deal in recent years; he’s trying to start an “Ugly Olympic Sweater” craze! It’s also the WINTER Games in RUSSIA. And we’re sending our crew out in homey-patchwork sweaters and a peacoat for the colour-blind? They’ll all freeze to a worst-dressed death! The only saving grace of the god-awful get-up is that the Ralph Lauren polo pony logo is larger than the American Flag so perhaps our athletes can claim they’re from the UK where snappy dressers are rarer than a good dentist.
Winter Storm Kronos is now causing headaches in Texas and Louisiana. We can soon look forward to names for when ever it rains.
I just found out you can buy an Official Ugly USA Olympic Sweater of your own online for $595! For the same price, you can probably buy 595 of them for $1 each in yard sales once the games are over.
CNN has laid off dozens of it’s journalists. CNN had journalists? Since when?
Honestly, as if the threat of terrorism in Sochi wasn’t enough, Team USA has to prance around looking like they got dressed in the dark. Sorry, I seem to have a deep-set loathing for those outfits. It WAS very sweet, however, of the Cracker Barrel gift shop to donate the fleece pants.
Today is one of the biggest tech anniversaries ever – this day back in 1984, Apple introduced their Macintosh personal computer. If you’d bought their stock along with of one of those computers, you’d be filthy rich.
In order to stop obsessing over the US Olympic Team’s outfits that make one want to “Ralph,” I Googled what the Norwegian curling team is wearing. Apparently they stole their clothes from “One Direction.”
New England quarterback Tom Brady says he has no plans to watch the Super Bowl Game. Does anyone? I thought we were there for the commercials!
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1922 the "Eskimo Pie" was patented. Of course, the toughest part about making them is getting fresh Eskimo.
On this date in 1935, beer was first served in cans in Richmond, Virginia. Yeah, I don't know why it isn't a holiday, either.
Reports out of Great Britain say Prince Charles and Camilla have already split up. Word is the last straw came at the breakfast table when Prince Charles tried to talk to Camilla and she wouldn't even remove the bucket of oats from her face. An anonymous source inside Buckingham Palace says the couple has been fighting so much during meals; relatives now call tea-time the “Thrilla with Camilla."
The cable news networks had wall-to-wall coverage of the Justin Bieber arrest Thursday morning. Gov. Chris Christie and the NSA sent Beiber a “thank you” fruit basket for getting them off the headlines.
Governor Robert Bentley has declared a State of Emergency for all counties in Alabama due to a threatening shortage of propane gas. A propane shortage? In WINTER? Shocking! Oh I see ... the nation is running out of Velveeta but THAT’S not an emergency! Bentley will now be able to enact various precautionary measures, including the state's price gouging law. (PSST --some places are already gouging). But don't worry; you can get your propane and propane accessories at Strickland Propane. Ask for Hank. Also, I can fix this problem:
Dear Propane manufacturers. Please make more propane. TIA, Lisa
Katy Perry told GQ magazine "prayed to God" for a pair of “great big boobs," and lo and behold, she got them ... the Obama/Biden ticket was elected twice! To she be fair, in this case, the right boob IS a little bigger than the left.
And … If you haven’t yet seen it -- The cast of "The Wolf of Wall Street" used the F-Word a record 506-times. Word is they're thinking of making a sequel called "F-Troop."