LMN 1-28-14 FROZEN (thx again Daisy)
by Lisa Mason
posted Jan 28 2014 8:03AM
The State of the Union speech is tonight. Maybe President Obama will FINALLY address the Justin Beiber situation. Did you hear Beiber skipped the Grammys to hang out in Panama? There was an awkward moment when he was visiting an orphanage and Angelina Jolie tried to adopt him.
Texas has dropped its mandate for high school students to take Algebra II. For starters, most students thought that meant "Algebra Eleven."
The Post Office is expected to lose $6-billion this year, so they're raising the price of a postage stamp by 3-cents.Those new stamps featuring Ben Affleck as "Batman" really lost them a bundle. 49 cents for a stamp? I told you we should have tied the price of stamps to the President Obama's approval rating!
Turns out the NSA is tracking us via Google maps. Don’t worry – your location info was safe yesterday. I kept the NSA tied up while trying to find the Hoover Medifast location. Meanwhile, Republicans are calling for an end to surveillance of random citizens. At least, that's what the NSA claims John Boehner said in a couple of phone calls last night.
The most recent actor to portray the "Marlboro Man" has died of a smoking-related lung disease. There will be a private funeral later this week, where the eulogy will be delivered by Joe Camel.
If you’re curious, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz was paid $17.2 Million in 2013. That’s almost enough to buy 11 Grande mochas.
Are you a crafter? Then check your bank records – the craft store Michael’s had a major security breach. Yes, now some hacker knows you spent 600 bucks on yarn and hot glue to make that nifty wreath you saw on Pinterest. At least you’ll be able to make a lovely collage with all your credit refusals and fraud alerts.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1915, the U.S. Coast Guard was established... and since then, not one single inch of our coast has ever been stolen.
On this date in 1547, England's King Henry VIII died and was succeeded by his 9-year-old son Edward the 6th. His first order as King was, "We're having ice cream!" Imagine a 9-year-old ruling an entire country. I guess Joe Biden makes imagining that a whole lot easier.
Also on this date, but in 1861, Kansas became a state. Up until then, Dorothy had no idea where she wasn't.
Sarah McLachlan turns 46 today. She makes animals cry. She's got such a mournful sound, the first time I bought one of her CD's, I took it back to the store three times before I realized it was supposed to sound that way.
After the Grammys, a lot of people are still asking the question, "Why do the guys in Daft Punk wear helmets?" According to the new rules, if you're helmet comes off, you have to sit out one awards show.
There’s a lot of buzz surrounding 106-year-old American Edythe Kirchmaier. She’s the world's oldest Facebook user. No word on what influenced her to sign up, but I think we can rule out peer pressure.
Poor Pope Francis! He released 2 white doves from his balcony on Sunday, and they were immediately attacked by predatory birds. Reminds me of the time Pope Paul released a turkey from the balcony, and it promptly crashed into St. Peter's Square. No. Wait. That was an episode of "WKRP in Cincinnati." Nevermind.
34 couples, including many same-sex couples, were married at the Grammy's Sunday night. A same-sex couple was married on a float during the Rose Parade on January 1st. And tonight, during the State of the Union, John McCain and Lindsey Graham will shock the world.
And … turns out that ghost ship infested with cannibal rats … isn’t. The derelict cruise ship*, cut loose by Canada years ago, was reportedly infested with rats, possibly carrying plague and was poised to smash into the British Isles. But now, a salvage hunter says it’s not likely any rats remain on board this B-movie plot. Also, it didn’t sink, as was reported yesterday, but no one knows exactly where the ship went. If only we had some form of object-detection system that uses radio waves to determine the range, altitude, direction, or speed of objects!** I have a cunning plan; 1000 rats, this derelict ship, 20 cases of beer, and Justin Bieber. Reality TV at it's finest. Wait – it get’s even MORE cunning. Throw in Rodman too! And if the ghost rats can read the pirate runes carved on the hull and Johnny Depp can be prevented from showing up … BOOM! It’s a hit!
*Shockingly it’s not in the Carnival or Royal Caribbean fleet.
**We do, it’s called RADAR.
Filed Under :
Angelina Jolie, Ben Affleck, Edward, Edythe Kirchmaier, Francis, Henry VIII, Howard Schultz, Joe Biden, Joe Camel, John Boehner, John McCain, Johnny Depp, Justin Bieber, Lindsey Graham, Obama, Paul, Sarah McLachlan