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Lisa Mason in the Morning


LMN 12-18-13 Merry Mega Millions!

by Lisa Mason posted Dec 18 2013 8:08AM

If you drove to Atlanta for your Mega Millions lottery ticket and bought it at the Gateway News Stand, check your numbers and remember you were ALWAYS my favorite relative. Lotto officials confirm 2 winning tickets for the $636 million jackpot.

A third person linked to ex-Patriot player Aaron Hernandez has died. By the time this creep gets to trial, EVERYONE who knows him will be mysteriously deceased. Maybe we should tell Aaron that George Zimmerman, Kanye and all the Kardashians are going to testify against him.

National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden has asked Brazil to let him move there. Must be a big World Cup fan. Oh hello soccer joke that only three people in Alabama will get!

A pump on the International Space station needs to be repaired, so urgent spacewalks have been scheduled. Is there any other kind than urgent? “Hey Sergei, where are ya going?” “Oh I dunno. Just outside for a while, facing dangerous conditions and possibly instant death.”

It IS the end of the world as HE knows it! Remember the "doomsday preacher," Harold Camping? He kept making date-specific warnings of Armageddon, all of which came and went without consequence. He’s dead at age 92. Camping's family claims he's now in a better place, but God said, "That’s another incorrect prediction."  Harold secretly gave up on predicting the end of the world in 2011, and started predicting other things, like, "If you like your world, you can keep your world." He then concentrated on predicting easier things, like the collapse of the Missouri Tigers defense. Camping’s funeral will be an open-casket, outdoors affair because Harold predicted rain.

George Zimmerman is trying to sell a painting he did on eBay for over $99,000. If the painting is a signed document promising that he will NEVER appear in another headline, I’d bid.

The Birmingham City Council passes a restrictive ordinance on food trucks after restaurant owners whined that the trucks were stealing their business away. Call me crazy, but if your products and services are good enough then people will still want you even if the taco and cupcake trucks are outside. Fueling the fire, the Council passed the restrictions without even reading the ordinance! Everyone knows “You have to pass it to see what’s in it!” When did Pelosi get on the Council?
And a few things you need to know …

In 1957, the movie "Bridge Over The River Kwai" premeired. That movie still makes me Kwai.

On this day in 1972, the U.S. began the "Christmas bombing" of North Viet Nam. The tough part was gift wrapping all those bombs.

"Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson refused to do a Barbara Walters interview to go duck hunting. BAD career move. The last person to snub Barbara got shot in a movie theater by John Wilkes Booth.

Warner Brothers is making a full length reboot of Gilligan’s Island. It’s a bit different: Ginger chooses MaryAnn and the Professor gets voted off the island because every 6 months he makes their old technology obsolete by coming out with a new version of his bamboo smart-phone.  

Target is refusing to sell Beyoncé’s new album because she released it online first with neither fanfare nor forewarning and that makes Target sad. That sound you hear is Beyoncé being too busy to worry about Target because she’s got money that’s not going to count itself.

‘Tis the season for festive family gatherings. Or not. Ashley Judd is accusing her sister Wynonna of placing a tracking device on her car, to spy on her. What? You’d think Wynonna would have something better to do considering the number of Christmas buffets around. 

And … A new study says cats, unlike other animals which were domesticated by man, domesticated themselves by moving into ancient Chinese villages. It's unclear at what point the Chinese started eating them.

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Location : AlabamaAtlanta
12/18/2013 8:08AM
LMN 12-18-13 Merry Mega Millions!
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