Did you shop at Target this season? Check your bank statements. 40 million credit and debit cards from shoppers at every Target store in the US are compromised. The key dates are from November 27th thru December 15th. Wow – Target says they won’t carry Beyoncé’s new record and THIS happens? Do NOT mess with Beyoncé! Seriously though, the Secret Service is investigating the data theft. Why don’t they just call the NSA and ask THEM who took the data? Case closed!
Rain, snow and heat won’t keep a carrier from his appointed task. Gloom of night? That’s another story. Numerous Birmingham and Bessemer residents are complaining that their mail is arriving long after dark. The only thing worse than getting a stack of bills and junk mail is having to use a flashlight to go get them.
The new budget deal approved by the House and Senate slashes military pensions. If only it slashed Congressmen. Like Jason or Michael Myers.
Documents filed in federal court in Miami indicate Carnival Cruise Lines knew the Carnival Triumph had mechanical problems before it’s ill-fated cruise that ended with the now-legendary nightmare tow into Mobile. You remember that? All the passengers were confined to the poop deck? Two Vestavia children last spring called Child Protective Services on their parents after they booked a Carnival cruise. HEY! Know what the GOP is getting President Obama for Christmas? Carnival Cruise tickets. Hey, I’D take that cruise ... I like to live dangerously. Thanks Carnival, for allowing all of to recycle our jokes about you.
Congratulations are in order to two people who beat the incredible odds and can now proudly say they were able to sign up for Obamacare online. In other news, two people won the Mega Millions jackpot!
An Arizona ski resort named Snowbowl is again reconsidering using treated waste water for snowmaking because their snow came out yellow. I'm pretty sure no one wants to ski down "The Bladderhorn" or “Mount Peepeemanjaro.” Why don't they just rename the resort "Toiletbowl?"
NASA has ordered a series of urgent spacewalks to fix a broken cooling line at the International Space Station. Who broke the AC? Did one of those “tourist-astronauts” win a trip to the ISS on the game show, "Pig in a Poke" and trip while decorating for Christmas? The poor guy who has to make the repairs apparently lost a bet and will spacewalk wearing the same leaky space suit that another astronaut nearly drowned in back in July. NASA really should stop buying their stuff at garage sales.
Liberals are overjoyed that President Obama is sending a contingent of gay athletes to Russia for the Olympics. Yet when late Senator Jesse Helms suggested sending gay people to Siberia they were angry! Yeesh, pick a side people.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1777, George Washington set up camp at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. Freedom was on the line, but Valley Forge was horrendously cold. The next year they all voted to camp in Fiji.
On this date in 1732, Ben Franklin began publishing Poor Richard's Almanac. Everyone loved it, except of course, for Poor Richard, who couldn't afford a copy. Franklin wanted to come out with a Kindle edition but it was 1732 and people would have burned him at the stake for being a warlock if he’d produced a Kindle Fire HD.
Actress Alyssa Milano turns 41 today. GREAT. Another day of people wishing me happy birthday, because I get mistaken for her all the time. For a while, she was the most-downloaded woman on the Internet. Of course, now, thanks to the NSA, we all are.
"Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson is catching heat for saying that homosexuality is evil and that black people were just dandy under Jim Crow. Some worry this might topple the massive Duck Dynasty merchandising empire but the crew is already making the negative press work in their favor. Along with Duck Dynasty wine, Chia Pets, beef jerky and 800 other tchotchkes with their faces on them, the family is adding a line of white hooded robes.
Warner Brothers. is making a full-length movie version of "Gilligan's Island." Pleasepleaseplease cast Toronto Mayor and professional crack head Rob Ford as the Skipper.
And … according to a new poll, 64% of people say "Merry Christmas," 31% say "Happy Holidays" and 5% say Unsure. Why would you say "unsure" to people at Christmas?