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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 12-23-13. Have a holly-jolly Solstice!

by Lisa Mason posted Dec 23 2013 7:58AM

~~I'm just itching for Christmas to come. Must have spent too much time rolling around in the Holly and the Poison Ivy. Remember: "Santa knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good 'cause he works for the N.S.A."
 

Today is the last day to sign up for Obamacare online IF you want coverage by January first. Hey, they missed THEIR deadlines, it’ll be OK for us to do the same, right? RIGHT??
 

Astronauts on the International Space Station are conducting several Christmastime spacewalks to repair a broken electrical system. I guess you could say they're space walking in a winter wonderland
 

This is curious -- I don't remember buying 43 LCD TVs at Target on Black Friday. I wonder what I did with them. Nice how Target made you get up at ungodly hours on Black Friday to spend most of your Christmas shopping budget there and then let someone steal your identity.
 

Kobe Bryant is out for at least 6-weeks with a fractured left knee. There's a lot of mileage on that knee. It's the same one he goes down on when he's giving his wife a new ring after she catches him messing around.
 


And a few things you need to know…
 

On this day in 1920, Ireland divided into two parts. My guess is, two parts whiskey.  
 

On this date in 1975, the U.S. Congress passed the Metric Conversion Act. They’ve been trying to convert the U.S. to the metric system, but we just keep inching along.
 

A new poll says that the most annoying word in the English language is "whatever." People think it's obnoxious and insipid. That's why you never catch me saying it. I always abbreviate it to "whatevs."
 

SeaWorld has launched a massive promotional campaign, running full-page ads in major newspapers across America to counteract negative publicity about their killer whale programs generated by the release of the explosive documentary "Blackfish." Unfortunately for SeaWorld, that newspaper ad campaign only conjures up lines like, "What's black and white and red all over? A bloody, abused killer whale at SeaWorld."
 

And ... If you missed it, figure skater Brian Boitano last week announced he's gay. Guess this means he won’t be a guest star on Duck Dynasty.
 

Now for some super special holiday filler! All the main news channels are running stock “survival tips” for the holidays, so why shouldn’t I? I guess baby Jesus wants it this way.
 

Getting together with family for Christmas? Those who are without their families say the rest of us should count ourselves lucky that we still have them. Hard to believe sometimes, but we should. Here’s some handy tips to keep the peace at family Christmas gatherings.
 

1. Don’t regress.  Gathering with your family can bring back a lot of old, painful memories. It’s not unusual to find fully grown adults behaving like moody teenagers so time your bathroom breaks with disagreements and just remove yourself from the situation. When it doubt, just walk away like the man in that documentary “Mad Max” advised.  
 

2. Keep a lid on your temper. Don’t begin your argument with, “Why do you always do this?” Of course, in my house it’s usually “LISA always does this” even when I’m just minding my own business. Don’t engage - just walk away.
 

3. Don’t expect miracles. If your family has never been nice to you, don’t expect it to change just because it’s Yule. Remember that Waffle House is open and you might get a discount if you tell them you’re an orphan.
 

4. Don’t take the bait. Family members have a habit of knowing what buttons to press and which awkward questions to ask. Don’t play the game. Nothing’s more irritating that Gramma Daisey prying into your relationship status, “So you’re still single then?” Just thank her for her interest and walk away. Then there’s Cousin Carl and, “How would you like to be a part of my new investment?” RUN… don’t walk away.
 

5. Have a holly jolly cocktail! Just don’t overdo it. While it’s tempting to get plastered and decide it’s high time you told Aunt Linda what you really think about her new husband, don’t. Although – I know people who do things like that completely sober. Just walk away and you might make it to Boxing Day without a homicide investigation.
 

6. Whatever it is you DO do, have a Merry Christmas, a Scary Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa, Joyous Wednesday or all of the above! And I didn’t get you anything.
 

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12/23/2013 7:59AM
LMN 12-23-13. Have a holly-jolly Solstice!
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