LMN 2-10-14 Happy Birthday Mom!
by Lisa Mason
posted Feb 10 2014 8:25AM
It begins. Desperate Tweets out of Gardendale report that the Wal-Mart is out of milk and bread. It’s too early to tell if we’re in for another round of winter but everyone’s already going nuts. All of here at the station have been told we’re staying in a hotel close by. I have a special gift for whoever I end up rooming with: it’s called “the flu.” Anyway, the high temp in Sochi today was 60. 60! Yet another reason they should have held the Olympics HERE like Larry Langford wanted back in the day when we thought that was a nutty idea.
Eli Manning says that the opening ceremonies of the Sochi Winter Olympics reminded him of his brother, Peyton. They were 1-ring short. A news-satire piece made the social media rounds yesterday claiming that the man responsible for the Olympic ring fail in Sochi had been founded stabbed to death. Amazing how many people will believe things like this. Granted, we ALL know someone’s going to be busting boulders in Siberia for it … but this IS Russia we’re dealing with. Stabbing is so sloppy, the guy would just conveniently “go missing” after a couple of weeks or end up with Polonium 210.
Meanwhile, sources inside Russia say President Vladimir Putin says is amused at the reaction of Americans to stories that he has ordered the assassination of stray animals in Sochi, saying the whole thing reminds him of Pavlov's dog. In a related story, Pavlov's dog is missing.
Run, Joe! Run! Joe Biden says he'll decide by next summer if he's going to make a run for president. A lot of people want Joe to run, most of them are Republicans.
Wal-Mart stores in China are stepping up inspections after investigators found fox DNA* in a product that was being sold as donkey-meat.** That's why, when I go to China, I only shop at the smaller Mao and Pao stores.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1763, France ceded Canada to England under the Treaty of Paris, for a couple of draft picks and a nation to be named later.
In 1840, Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert. As you know, he spent most of his life in the can.
Former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura says he has gone "off the grid" in Mexico so that the U.S. government can't tell where he is. 1) Thanks for telling us where you're hiding and 2) what makes you think we're looking?
A man carrying two bags tried to jump the White House fence on Friday. The suspect could be charged with trespassing, threatening the safety of the president and a $100 extra-bag fee. The Secret Service later determined the man was just trying to smuggle cigarettes in for President Obama.
Subway sandwich shops say they're going to stop using a chemical in their bread that's also used to make the rubber in athletic shoes.*** No wonder my last sammich tasted so NIKE.
And … a super happy birthday to my Mom! You know science shows that birthdays are good for you? People who have the most of them live longer. Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday? It was a TAPPY one! Hey! You know you’re getting older when people call you at 4pm and ask “did I interrupt dinner?” Or you get released first while in a hostage situation. You know how the clam celebrated his birthday? By SHELLabrating! Boom!
*It say, “Ring dingding ding ding ding ding ding.”
**We don’t know what the donkey say.
*** "What are athletic shoes?" asked people who eat at Subway.