LMN 2-24-14 10 Months til Christmas Eve!
by Lisa Mason
posted Feb 24 2014 7:24AM
Time to get out and hit those “After Olympics” sales!
The Sochi winter Olympics are history – along with them: jokes about tainted tap water, crumbling infrastructure, pink-eye, feral animals and corruption. Now, the US and Russia can stop competing in the games and get back to interfering in Ukraine. Protestors there have toppled a statue of Lenin, hitting it with hammers. I would have taken out the Paul McCartney one first. I still can’t believe Ukraine’s now-missing president once planned to open the Chernobyl site to tourists. It’s like Disney World, but the 6 foot mouse is real. I used to work with a guy from Kiev. He took an eye test, the last line read “C Z W I X T A C Z.” Not only could he read it, it was his last name.
Capital One is being questioned about language in their customer contracts that says the company may contact them with a personal visit. Fall far enough behind on your bill and they send out the Vikings. Or worse: Alec Baldwin.
Ted Nugent is catching heat because he apologized for calling President Obama a “subhuman mongrel.” Nugent admitted he crossed the line. Ted probably should have seen the line he was crossing. I mean, he was holding a big, burning cross at the time. I'm not going to make up my mind on this one until I hear what Eddie Money has to say about it.
A new study by the Mayo clinic says the average obese woman in the U.S. gets only 1-hour of vigorous exercise per year. And the only reason those obese women participated in the study is because they thought there was some mayo in it for them.
A $600-million-dollar downtown Miami construction project is temporarily on hold because excavators at the worksite discovered an ancient Native American city on the property. The developers want to go on with the project because they see it as a big moneymaker, and because they haven't seen "Poltergeist."
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1903 the United States acquired a naval station at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Cuban officials said negotiating the contract was torture. Hmmmmm. Hey wait.
On this date in 1981, Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Charles to Lady Diana. If there was ever a time for a Hot Tub Time Machine, this was it. Somebody go back and warn her!
Some school boards in the Northeast are increasing class time by shortening recess by 15-minutes. It's all part of the "No Child Ever Gets Up From His Behind" law.
First it was Bob Costas with pinkeye, now ESPN host Keith Olbermann has been off the air several days with a bad case of the shingles. Is it possible Rush Limbaugh has developed a chemical weapon that attacks only liberal sports broadcasters?
A new wine produced by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got rave reviews and sold out almost immediately. No wonder they adopt so many kids; they need the forced child labor.
Samsung is unveiling its Galaxy S5 today. That sound you hear is your phone becoming obsolete.
A Florida man who is 101-years old is running for Congress. The guy is serious, and he's very interesting. He still has his original phone number. It's "3." Seriously, this guy is so old “Jurassic Park” brought back fond memories. His memory is in black and white. He’s so old he knew Burger King back when he was just a prince. BOOM. He’s got an autographed copy of the Bible. We’re talking old. One time he walked into an antique store and they kept him. Ba-dum tssss!
And … A new version of "Celebrity Poker" is being shopped around Hollywood. This one's called "Celebrity Adoption Poker." What in the world? "I see your African peasant boy and raise you a set of Romanian twins." "Celebrity Adoption Poker" may take up the time slot on the Game Show network currently held by "Little Orphan Ante."
Filed Under :
Alec Baldwin, Angelina Jolie, Bob Costas, Brad Pitt, Charles, Diana, Eddie Money, Keith Olbermann, Lenin, Obama, Ted Nugent