LMN 2-3-14 Time to hit the After Groundhog Sales
by Lisa Mason
posted Feb 3 2014 8:18AM
An unprecedented security force was in place at last night’s Super Bowl to prevent acts of terrorism. No clue how Seattle slipped through the barricades to beat Denver so badly the Geneva Convention is now investigating. What happened? Did the weather men predict the Broncos would win? Seattle fans celebrated their first Super Bowl win by wearing plaid in the rain, drinking coffee and ironically listening to sad music.
The first ever canine field goal happened during yesterday’s Puppy Bowl! I’m talking about the show on Animal Planet, not number 23 on the menu at the Vietnamese restaurant on Greensprings. At one point the puppies just ignored the ball and fell asleep, I honestly thought I was watching the Denver Broncos. My dog Hera Mason won a grand betting on the action, she got the inside line from the Pitt Bull running back. There’s controversy though – the Puppy Bowl quarterback has been arrested in illegal interstate human fighting ring scandal.
People are raving about opera singer Renee Flemming’s rendition of the National Anthem before the big game. Well yeah. Get a real singer who has never heard of autotune and you get a good show, go fig. Flemming looked absolutely stunning, busting the myth that the only difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a pro lineman is stage makeup. You know why all soprano jokes are one-liners? So tenors can understand them.
A Gulf Shores resort is offering free two-night stays to Birmingham-area teachers who stayed overnight with stranded students during SnowpocalypseIceageddon. Naturally, Montgomery lawmakers say this contest could violate state ethics laws. Because if anyone knows how to violate ethics laws, it’s lawmakers in Montgomery.
I can’t get enough of the Puppy Bowl. This year it featured penguin cheerleaders. No word if any of the penguins were gay, but I'm pretty sure this is what "Duck Dynasty's" Phil Robertson was warning us about.
Amanda Knox will fight extradition after a new Italian court reinstated her previous murder conviction. She’s fine as long as she stays out of Italy. If I were her, I wouldn't even go to Olive Garden, even though that’s about as far from Italy as you can get.
And a few things you need to know …
Today is “The Day The Music Died.” On this day in 1959, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. "Big Bopper" Richardson were killed in a plane crash outside of Mason City, Iowa. After watching Bruno Mars during halftime last night, I wonder how he avoided getting on that flight. That plane crash helped start the theory that celebrities always die in threes, which leads us to the following…
Actor Phillip Seymore Hoffman was found dead in his apartment with a needle in his arm, and envelopes of heroin nearby. Police suspect an overdose. Really? Ya think? That’s some fine detective work there. Meanwhile, animation legend Arthur Rankin Jr has died at age 89 and Oscar-winning actor Maximillian Schell died at age 83. It’s one of the hippest celebrity death triangles we’ve seen since the Dio/Coleman/Hopper trifecta.
Former Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron says he believes college athletes should be paid. Or, in the case of SEC players, they should be paid more.
A McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh has been arrested for selling heroin in Happy Meals. “Ba ba ba ba baaaah! I'm shootin' it."
Miley Cyrus is calling herself the 2013 version of Madonna. I guess that gives Miley a better idea of when her career will be over.
Justin Bieber's private airplane was boarded by police after it landed in New Jersey on Friday and was searched by officers .Bieber was released after nothing was found. I think that includes "talent."
Reports out of England say Queen Elizabeth has been overspending and she's down to her last $1.6-million-dollars. Things are getting pretty bad. Queen Elizabeth was photographed by TMZ holding a sign which read, "Will wave with the back of my hand for food."
Eli Manning has been named in a lawsuit that alleges he and the New York Giants created phony "game-worn" jerseys and helmets to sell as "collectibles" to unsuspecting customers. Man, when I was a kid, the players just gave you their used jerseys, and all you had to do was trade them a bottle of Coke.
Yesterday was Groundhog Day. Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole, saw President Obama's Iran policy, imagined his shadow melting against a rock, and determined there'll be six years of nuclear winter. Birmingham Bill at the Zoo says we’re in for an early spring.. though technically it’ll come inMarch no matter what. We are halfway through winter! Tonight, it will be roughly 44.5 days left to go until spring hits. A snowstorm, then 60 degrees, then 70 degrees, now it’s rather brisk … I love it when all four seasons hit in the same week.
Filed Under :
A.J. McCarron, Amanda Knox, Arthur Rankin Jr, Bruno Mars, Eli Manning, Elizabeth, Holly, Justin Bieber, Madonna, Maximillian Schell, Miley Cyrus, Obama, Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Renee Flemming, Ritchie Valens