LMN 2-6-14 My hair is looking so Sochi today!
by Lisa Mason
posted Feb 6 2014 8:22AM
The national debt is up $6.666-trillion under President Obama. Read anything into those numbers that you want. Meanwhile, Obama proudly proclaimed that the United States is now getting most of its oil from producers right here the U.S.A. Sounds like we should start a war and invade ourselves.
The Oregon healthcare site has been reported to the FBI as fraudulent. Apparantly project managers didn’t know how to build the healthcare portal but DID know how to build fake pages in order to make HHS officials think they were meeting deadlines. So while building the healthcare exchange, they created a fake one? You know what “irony” is? It’s like goldy or bronzy but made of iron.
Word is that the Taliban is in financial ruin. Busted. Bankrupt. Broke. Looks like somebody bet everything they had on the Denver Broncos.
Certain U.S. shipping lanes have been shut down by ice formations blocking the Great Lakes. I can’t wait to watch MSNBC tonight to see how Rachel Maddow pins this on Chris Christie.
This guy just won’t go away. George Zimmerman says he is going to fight rapper DMX in a 3 round boxing match for cash. “Let’s get ready to mumble!” The deal isn’t inked yet but DMX says he’ll “beat [Zimmerman’s] ass.” That’s just on general principal. I can’t wait to see DMX pummeling Zimmerman … right up to the point where Zimmerman pulls out a gun and shoots DMX for “attacking him.” They just just throw Anderson Silva in the ring with Zimmerman and tell him it’s DMX, he’d likely not notice the difference.
CVS stores say they’re kicking the habit of selling tobacco products. President Obama praised the move... but will now secretly have to buy his at Walgreen's. Saying it’s morally wrong to be in the healthcare business while selling dangerous products CVS will, however, continue selling candy, processed foods, items tested on animals and medicines with which you can make meth.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1778, France became the first country to officially recognize the United States. Up until that time, our disguise had worked perfectly. They presented us with their "Rudeness for Life" award.
On this date in 1971, astronaut Alan Shepherd hit three golf balls on the moon. That sounds like a big deal, but the moon is par 2, so he was one over.
The Bachelor claims having gays on TV is "not a good example for kids." This from a guy who starred in a TV show about one man dating 30 women at once.
We're just now hearing that Selena Gomez checked herself into rehab last month. Apparently, she tested positive for Justin Bieber. I have mixed feelings. Part of me hopes Bieber finally sees the light and ends up on the road to recovery, and the other part of me wants cops to pull Bieber over when he's on the road to recovery and beat him with a brick. For Science.
Former "American Idol" runner up Clay Aiken is going to run for a North Carolina congressional seat. Aiken says wants to "serve in Congress for people who don't have a voice." Heck, if Clay had a voice, he would have WON "American Idol."
And now for your Olympic Update:
Let the Winter Hunger Games begin … tomorrow! Despite terror threats and packs of wild dogs, the Olympic torch has finally reached Sochi, now top athletes from around the globe are poised to embark on a two-week living nightmare. Word is, living conditions are so bad, you can trade your light bulbs for a date with a Russian skier.
No doubt you’ve seen or heard about how jankey the town of Sochi is. The water isn’t safe to drink so we’ve got a bunch of sports reporters over there washing their faces in Evian like a bunch of Kardashians. Granted, sports reporters are historically some of the whiniest babies ever (trust me – I used to do news on the ZONE) but conditions aren’t 100% survivable. I hate to hate on the Olympics but this situation could be dire. You’ve got a town that’s not ready, massive terror threats, a president who wants to kill all the gay people, packs of wild dogs and hackers. Olympic officials remain optimistic (because Putin paid them well to remain so) saying Sochi is MOSTLY ready for the Games. Um, that’s like saying Peyton Manning MOSTLY won the Super Bowl.