August 27, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 2-7-14 Now with more Putin

by Lisa Mason posted Feb 7 2014 8:14AM
Flying to Russia? Don’t bring any liquids in your carry-on. They’re ALL banned now. The Department of Homeland Security warns that terrorists flying to the Winter Olympics may be hiding explosives in tubes of toothpaste. The British Olympic Team asked, "Tubes of WHAT?"
 

Meanwhile, Dmitry Kozak, the Russian deputy prime minister in charge of Olympic preparations, is blaming the media for sabotaging their own rooms in order to make Mother Russia “look bad.” Dmitry says they have surveillance video showing reporters trashing their own bathrooms. OK … so there are security cameras in hotel bathrooms. In Sochi, you don’t watch the Olympics; the Olympics watch YOU!

 
Russian President Vladimir Putin continues catching flak for ordering the assassination of thousands of stray dogs in Sochi. Sadly, Putin likes dogs more than he likes gays.  Putin is trying to spin the killings, saying the stray dogs are just being relocated to live in a mass grave on a farm upstate. Apparently, he's adopted the Republican Party platform.

 
A Clements high school biology student is being told to apologize after taking a selfie with a UAB medical school cadaver and posting it on Instagram. Given it is Instagram, the student must apologize for not also including a picture of food.

 
A Catholic girl's school in California is in hot water after they decided to "celebrate" Black History Month by serving a lunch of "fried chicken and watermelon." Apparently, the school lunch lady has adopted the Republican Party platform.
After over two decades at the helm, Jay Leno last night said a tearful goodbye on the Tonight Show. I didn’t watch his monolog, a tradition I’ve had for over two decades.

 
A Utah school district is under fire for throwing away 40 students' $2 school lunches because their parents owed money on their food accounts. Apparently, Utah schools have adopted the Republican Party platform.
 

Everyone is talking about a new movie called "The Monuments Men," about a group of experts recovering artistic masterpieces looted by the Nazis during World War II. They even manage to uncover the original recipe for Luftwaffles! It's unbelievable how much art the Nazis stole, and most Americans aren’t even aware of the problem of stolen work. Or, as I call that, “A few things you need to know.”
 

And a few things you need to know …
 

Reminder gentlemen: Valentine's Day is one week away. So you have 6 more days to procrastinate and dread.

 
On this date in 1965, the U.S. began regular bombing of North Vietnam. Until then, it was only on special occasions.

 
On this date in 1940, the Disney movie, "Pinocchio," made its world debut. It was about a puppet-like creature that had problems with his nose when he lied. Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's a Birmingham meteorologist.


On this date in 1936, President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized a flag for the office of the vice president. It looked very spiffy on the back on his bike.

 
Twitter shares took at 17% tumble this week. #IShouldn'tHavePutMyEntire401KInThatStock.
 

Some of us here at the Eagle are pooling our money to hire Justin Bieber to egg the Ground Hog's house. You in?

 
A report says that Radio Shack will close 500 stores. That’s shocking! There are still 500 Radio Shacks around? Apparently they’ve adopted the Democratic Party platform.

 
Army troops in Uganda are educating the public about the benefits of circumcision which studies say reduces a man's chances of getting AIDS by over 60%. And, if the doctor slips, that number can reach as high as 100%.

 
The Westminster Dog Show starts Monday in New York. That's where all the dogs compete for "Best in Show." Don't confuse that with the Sochi Olympics where all the dogs compete to get safely away from Vladimir Putin's assassination squads. Apparently they’ve adopted the Democratic Party platform.

 
A 200-year-old Stradivarius violin that was stolen last month from the concertmaster of the Milwaukee Symphony has been safely recovered. When the Stradivarius was stolen, the concertmaster was absolutely inconsolable. The First Violin was "playing the world's smallest violin" for him. Violinists swear that Stradivarius violins sound better than any other, but blindfolded tests show that musicians can't tell the difference. All that stuff about Strads being better is just a bunch of fiddle-faddle. Apparently they’ve adopted the Green Party platform.
 

And … there is another massive pet food recall and it again involves Purina. Just one more reason I get Hera Mason’s food at Hollywood Feed (no they’re not paying me). Here's the list of what could kill/sickenyour pets. I didn’t know Vlad Putin was a Purina stockholder! Guess he’s adopted the Demo-… oh never mind. 
 
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Topics : Politics
02/07/2014 8:16AM
LMN 2-7-14 Now with more Putin
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