LMN 3-10-14 Making JJ Abrams happy
by Lisa Mason
posted Mar 10 2014 8:24AM
We now know what happened to Malaysia Airlines flight 370. The plane hit turbulence while returning back to Kuala Lumpur, broke apart in mid-air and crashed on a deserted tropical island. 48 passengers survived, some of whom set out into the jungle to find the cockpit of the airplane so that they could send out a distress signal. The craft’s pilot was found by the group, he informed them that the plane had been steered more than a thousand miles off course before it crashed and thus any rescuers would be looking in the wrong place. The pilot was later killed by a mysterious unseen monster.*
We're finally into Daylight Savings. That's where Vladimir Putin springs ahead, and Ukranian troops fall back.
Serial dirtbag Joran Vandersloot WILL be extradited to Alabama. The judge says he’ll stand trial in 2038, so we won’t have a media circus till he completes his sentence for murdering a Peruvian woman. Did he ever get married? I know the wedding was planned for last June and the bride’s murder sometime in July.
Archeologists in China have discovered a mummy with cheese that is over 3600 years. I didn't know you could order your mummy with cheese. No really -- blocks of cheese were found hanging around the necks of the ancient mummies. Scientists are calling it remarkable; Lady Gaga is calling it an outfit. Of course, Egyptian mummies would have discovered cheese, but they were too busy coming up with the food pyramid. The ancient Chinese cheese in question likely came from an early incarnation of 7-11 because it still hasn't exceeded its sell-by date.
In New York, a woman played the lottery numbers that came in her fortune cookie … and won $2 million. And an hour later, she won $2 million again. The lady, not giving the Chinese fortune cookie it’s credit, says an angel must have been looking out for her. But oddly enough, do you know what has 2 wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. “Wing wing, halo?” Coincidence?
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call to a man in the next room. Just think; if we didn’t have the phone, you’d never be able to get your teenager off the telegraph.
Wire was invented on this date way, way back in 1410. Up until that time, the circus had high-string walkers; usually for only one show.
Dr. Sherwin Nuland, the author of the book "How We Die" has passed away at age 83. At least now we know how it ends.
A poignant 1,800-year-old letter home, written by a lonely Egyptian soldier serving with the Roman legion in Europe, has finally been deciphered after 1,800-years. Although, the linguists who worked on translating the ancient text still say they have no idea what John Travolta was saying at the Oscars.
And … A New York tattoo artist is having problems because he gave his own dog a tattoo of a heart and his wife's name. The dog was still under anesthetic following surgery and the guy thought it was an awesome idea. I don’t really “get” why people get inked. I’m told it’s because tattoos are great for preserving memories. Without it, many sailors would TOTALLY have forgotten about that anchor. I want to get a tattoo that says BEST BEFORE FEBRUARY 5, just in case I’m ever stranded with hungry cannibals.
*DAD. They have not found the plane. This entire story is a reference to a TV show that you didn’t watch.** It’s possible the Boeing 777 could have been hijacked and has safely landed somewhere. Two passengers aboard were flying with stolen passports and Interpol says there is no international standard for checking on such things. WOW! We can’t have lighters or nail files and have to take off our shoes but THEY get to have stolen passports? Yeesh, so unfair!
**I gave up after the first season.