LMN 3-11-14 Whoops, sorry Ukraine.
by Lisa Mason
posted Mar 11 2014 8:17AM
There is no news about Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, yet it continues to top the news complete with footage of nothing happening. And isn’t it a coincidence this happened after the release of “Non Stop?” It’s like the winter storms that kept hitting after “Frozen” came out. Surely it’s not a marketing ploy…
With all the talk of missing jets and “4 8 15 16 23 and 42” references, we totally forgot about Ukraine! Vladimir Putin still insists there are no Russian troops deployed in Ukraine. Yeah, and the Russian tanks that you see on the roads are just cruising the main drag looking for chicks? He’s starting to sound like Baghdad Bob. Meanwhile, in a fund-raising effort, Denny’s is offering a new lunch special called, "The Rootin' Tootin', Soup'n Putin.”
If you missed it, Chris Christie gave a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference, but the Washington Post's Dana Milbank says many of the premium seats up front were empty. Isn't it possible conservatives thought a Chris Christie speech would be like the Shamu show where the first 2 rows get wet?
The pizza chain Sbarro has filed for bankruptcy protection … again. This is BIG news to those of us who didn’t know Sbarro was still open. I’ll give them this – their little garlic knot rolls – I want one right now. Guess if I’d bought it yesterday they might not have had to file for bankruptcy. The poor owners are like, “Wesa only one dollar and 79 cents away from being able to keep our’a stores a’open! Ifa only some-a-body would come by a roll!” I’m sorry Sbarro. And sorry for the horrible transcription of a bad Italian accent.
And a few things you need to know …
ON this date in 1824, the Bureau of Indian Affairs was created. Then it was just a matter of sitting back and waiting for them to have affairs.
On this date in 1942, General Douglas MacArthur issued his famous words, "I shall return." And, a month later, he brought that library book back, as promised.
"Sharknado 2" premieres on July 31st. Be still my beating DVR!
A new survey finds that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. I thought it would be more than that, but they're counting when you play video games as separate.
They held the 50th Annual Sweetwater, Texas Rattlesnake Roundup over the weekend. Texans gather to catch, kill and eat the rattlers. I'm guessing the snakes won again, because they've yet to set a date for the 51st Annual Sweetwater Rattlesnake Roundup.
Because I know you’ve been concerned about this; Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were spotted over the weekend having breakfast together in a Texas restaurant, chatting, laughing and smooching. Isn't that a shocker? Selena Gomez eating food! Justin Bieber getting along with somebody!
And ... The latest hipster fashion trend is: wearing a monocle! Yes, because nothing conveys the New Age lifestyle of a free spirit like dressing up as Colonel Klink. I think monocles should DEFINITELY be brought back in style, that way you can distinguish the people you want to talk to from those you don’t. Wait – while I was typing, Monocles are now out of fashion. All the cool kids are using periscopes now.