LMN 3-12-14 Iditawhat?
by Lisa Mason
posted Mar 12 2014 8:24AM
We now know that the missing Malaysian Airlines flight was hundreds of miles off course before it disappeared. Not as badly off course as the Alabama Legislature can be but there ya go. They haven’t found the Boeing 777 but searchers DID find Amelia Earhart’s luggage, Jimmy Hoffa, 995 sets of keys, 1200 wallets and $15 in change. But not the remote control. The Mystery of Flight 370 has the potential to be either the greatest heist since DB Cooper, or alien abduction. I vote aliens. Honestly, the conspiracy theories are getting out of hand. One tin-foil hat wearing group believes the plane vanished because the Malaysian government was testing a secret cloaking device. Yes, because when I think of super high tech military technology, I totally think of Malaysia. Other nuts online say Flight 370 was sucked into a vortex in Asia’s version of the Bermuda Triangle. Asia has a Bermuda Triangle! It’s true. You vanish but reappear with straight A’s and a revoked driver’s license.
Russian forces, who Vladimir Putin swears aren't in Ukraine, painted Russian colors over the Ukrainian ones in government offices. Of course, if you're not into politics, these jokes probably already seem like watching paint dry.
The Senate moved Monday to revamp the way the military deals with sexual assault. The bill bars using a sterling service record as a reason to drop filed sexual assault charges, which was routinely done. So, get your crap together, guys. You will no longer get one freebie.
Democratic Senator, and Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, Dianne Fienstein is accusing the CIA of hacking her computer and is calling for heads to roll. Hey, Dianne, it was fine when the CIA was spying on us! Quit your whining. The CIA knew they would be caught, not when they overheard the NSA listening in on Fienstein’s office phone.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1773, the settlement known as Chicago was founded. I did not know it was ever losted.
Samsonite is promoting their new ultra-light luggage. Yes, because it's the luggage that weighs so much and has nothing to do with the 2 months worth of clothes you’ve stuffed inside for just an overnight stay.
A new study by the University of Sussex says that elephants can recognize different voices, and can immediately identify whether a voice is a "man, woman or a child." But, as good as elephants are at recognizing voices, they still have no idea what the heck John Travolta is saying. Only African elephants were used in the study, Indian elephants were involved, but they only did tech support.
Another study says that elephants love mirrors because they recognize and enjoy viewing their own images. When you think of it, this totally explains why Republicans love watching Fox News.
And ... The Iditarod has wrapped up in Alaska. Dallas Seavey mushed his way through a windstorm to take his second win in three years, defeating the reigning champion – his dad. Didn’t the dogs technically win? Hey! Do you know where they train the sled dogs for the race? In the mush-room! Badum tssss!