July 23, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 3-24-14 Back to Work...

by Lisa Mason posted Mar 24 2014 8:00AM
 
Harry Houdini, the famous magician and escape artist, was born on this day way back in 1874. In his honour I’m doing my show in a straight jacket and handcuffs, even though I do that every Monday.
 
Could be worse, could be raining! A cyclone is bearing down on the Indian Ocean, where new satellite photos indicate a possible debris field from the missing Malaysia Air jet. Or not.  As boats converge on the “suspicious objects,” all we really know is that  the Malaysian Prime Minister could pass for Yoda’s dad.  Now, Malaysian officials are coming under fire because the photos of the Iranian passengers aboard Flight 370 were “doctored” and have the same set of legs on both passengers. This is not evidence of a conspiracy- just evidence of officials not being able to work a photocopier.  Many nations are blaming Malaysia for hampering the search and withholding information … like how they knew to pick Mercer over Duke.
 
After the U.S. imposed sanctions on more than 2 dozen prominent Russian officials because of the situation in Ukraine, Russia responded by imposing tit-for-tat travel sanctions on top U.S. officials, including Senator John McCain. Although, Sarah Palin told McCain that if he wants to see Russia, he can sit on the front porch with her and Todd. And by the way, Vladimir Putin, when you're issuing "tit-for-tat" sanctions, there's no reason to take your shirt off. It's just not necessary.
Skyrocketing milk and dairy prices could force Starbucks and pizza chains to raise prices. I'd say, "Don't have a cow, man," but right about now, I really wish I did have one.
 
Get this -- In 2012, the Earth narrowly missed being hit by a colossal solar blast that would have probably destroyed most of our communication satellites, meaning no cell phones and no TV. In other words, it would have killed us all. A “colossal solar blast?” Hey, scientists! If you really want to scare us; don't make a devastating coronal storm sound like a party we don't want to miss. Of course, if you live in North Alabama, you probably wouldn't mind getting hit by a solar blast just about now. Seriously – 26 degrees tonight?
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
On this date in 1765, Britain enacted the Quartering Act. Why they forced us to pay for everything with quarters I don’t know.
 
On this date, in 1882, German scientist Robert Koch discovered bacillus, the cause of tuberculosis. TB or not TB ... that is the question.
 
The federal government spent over a million dollars on booze last year. So, if you thought congress was spending money like a bunch of drunken sailors, you could be right.
 
Courtney Cash, the grandniece of Johnny Cash, was found dead in a box in her home in Tennessee, and a friend is charged in her death. Wayne Gary Masciarella faces numerous charges including making a “Tennessee Flat Top Box” joke. What is it with guys named “Wayne?” They’re either great hockey players or murderers.
 
The drought in California has gotten so bad; sparks from titanium golf clubs have been blamed for 2 Orange County golf course fires. The golfer responsible for starting a 25 acre blaze says he was so devastated by the fire; he wasn't able to get it out of his mind until the 14th hole. Firemen responding to that blaze were able to dig a berm to stop the flames, but they got in trouble with the landscaper for not replacing their divots.
 
And … Despite the recent freezing temperatures, Georgia peach producers say their crops are fine, so prices won’t rise.  I have my doubts because those nefarious peach producers have been known to use fuzzy math.
 
 
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03/24/2014 8:01AM
LMN 3-24-14 Back to Work...
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