September 22, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 3-25-14 We're exactly 9 months away from Christmas!

by Lisa Mason posted Mar 25 2014 7:41AM
 
 A French satellite taking pictures of the Indian Ocean has captured images of a remote area of water that does NOT have debris floating in it that may or may not have come from missing Malaysian Airline flight 370. More on this stunning development as the story unfolds! Meanwhile, think you’ve gotten awful texts before? Malaysian officials are defending their decision to text families of those aboard MH370 that the flight crashed with no survivors. “Srry. All ded. Hope the best 4 U. BRB gotta tell media. K?”
 
How’s your bracket doing? I look at the number of correct guesses versus the number of wrong guesses in mine and I realize -- I could have been a meteorologist! I think I nailed the Final Four. I've got the Rebels upsetting Syria, and Putin surprising Estonia.
 
Does anyone else look at what's going on over in the Ukraine and feel like we're just watching an invasion, but in slow motion? New travel sanctions on Russia could result in travel sanctions to US astronauts since we have to pay them 70 million bucks for a seat on a Soyuz poop-bucket to get to the International Space Station that Russia never finished paying for. Oh I’m not saying the Soyuz spacecraft is sketchy – but it lacks atmosphere. Soyuz given up hope of reading anything funny today? Me too.
 
Thanks to Obama-imposed sanctions, the Moscow Stock Exchange (MICEX*) on Friday fell the equivalent of 500-Dow points.   Vladimir Putin says, "I have to hand it to Obama. No one is better at tanking an economy."
 
First Lady Michelle Obama, along with Malia and Sasha, visited the Great Wall of China. You know you can see the Great Wall of China from space? The hotel bill they racked up is so big you can see THAT from space too.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
On this date in 1655, Titan, the largest satellite of Saturn, was discovered. It was believed that Titan gave Saturn the ring. Why? It liked it so it put a ring on it.**
 
On this date in 1821, Greece declared its independence from Turkey and switched completely to chicken! 
 
"It's a Small World" turns 50 this year. It's already received three applications from AARP.
 
It’s maaaaadness! By late Friday, when the Memphis Tigers beat George Washington in the NCAA basketball tournament, both the million dollar ESPN bracket challenge, and Warren Buffett's billion dollar challenge were over with no one producing a perfect bracket. Of course, since the Democrats are in the White House, we all still get trophies! It’s a shame; I could have used that billion. I have a dream someday of buying my own disappointing NCAA basketball team.
 
Diners at Disney's T-Rex Cafe in Orlando were interrupted when a giant fish tank cracked open, sending thousands of gallons of water rushing through the restaurant. Sadly, Nemo has yet to be found.

And … There's a new app that maps a person's enemies and exes so that they never run into them out in public. Remember – if you DO run into an ex, make sure it’s not with your car. That’s still technically illegal in Alabama.
 

* Which sounds like either an exterminator’s tool or a venereal disease.

**Surely somebody here knows the Beyonce song.
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Location : AlabamaIndian OceanOrlando
03/25/2014 8:10AM
LMN 3-25-14 We're exactly 9 months away from Christmas!
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