LMN 3-7-14 Where's MY Nobel Prize?
by Lisa Mason
posted Mar 7 2014 6:58AM
It's finally Friday! Or, as John Travolta likes to call it, Fray Dazeem! Short news post today because I’ve got a broadcast in Cullman from 4-6. Yes I realize that is hours from now (currently 6:45AM) but it’s the only excuse I’ve got so I’m using it. Now on to what passes for news in this gin joint …
Russian President and Bond villain Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Whaaaat? Norway says the smart money is on the Taliban. Proof that the Nobel Prize now means about as much as what you find in the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks. Actually, the Cracker Jack prizes are collectable. The ones from back in the day? They’re going for a decent amount on Ebay. Not like a Nobel Prize which if you pawn it might be enough to afford the same crack that the Nobel Committee has been smoking.
Anyway, Peace Prize Nominee Putin is still claiming there are no Russian forces inside Ukraine, and that Ukraine simply gave up being an independent country for Lent.
A mountain lion attacked a homeless person in rural L.A. County recently, and this week, a large mountain lion killed a 100-pound pet German shepherd dog in a Fontana family's backyard. Mountain lions are known to get very aggressive around small pets and slightly built women. Men are usually safe, well, unless it's a Brokeback mountain lion.
Microsoft is coming out with a digital assistant for its smartphone -- similar to Apple's Siri -- called "Cortana," which is Spanish for "really late to the party."
A study says that one in ten Americans think that HTML is an STD. To make matters worse, they think STD is a type of television.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1897, Dr. John Kellogg first served corn flakes to his patients at a sanitarium. The patients liked them, but they were more cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and thought that giant sugar bunnies were about to attack and they should escape on his magic cheese blankie.
On this date in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his invention, the telephone. Up until then, telemarketers had nothing to do.
If you weren’t paying attention, an asteroid came within 216,000 miles of striking the Earth Wednesday. That's closer than the Moon, and 216,000 miles closer than John Travolta came to correctly pronouncing "Idina Menzel" at the Oscars.
Miami police are releasing jail video from Justin Bieber's January arrest of the pop singer urinating into a cup for a drug test sample. I lost the bet because he pees standing up. Police say it was the first time they've ever seen urine that smelled like Willy Nelson's tour bus.
And … Pee-wee Herman is selling his super-duper-deluxe bike from "Pee-wee's Big Adventure" on eBay. I hope nobody tops my offer of a hundred million billion trillion dollars.