LMN 4-22-14 G'day mate. We're onto you!
by Lisa Mason
posted Apr 22 2014 8:15AM
In honor of Earth day today, I'm sending all of my work-related emails straight to my “recycle” folder. Actually I’m spending the day recycling cans because I need the money for gas.
Security concerns are high after a teenager flew from California to Hawaii in a jet’s wheel well. The kid says he simply hopped a fence and climbed inside. If he’d had a bottle of shampoo and a pocket knife THEN airport security would have nabbed him. Federal authorities are now trying to determine what would cause a teen boy from San Jose to stowaway on a flight to Maui. What, are they stupid? It’s MAUI.
Vice-President Joe Biden is in Kiev to support Ukrainian leaders. The trip was secretly designed to stop him from pushing kids out of the way at yesterday's White House Easter Egg Roll.
They’ve almost completely scanned the area where that plane isn’t. Searchers are starting to suggest Flight 370 did not crash into the ocean but instead landed somewhere. Why have we never suspected Australia was behind the disappearance? While they’re out “searching” they’ve really got the plane parked on a secret wallaby farm outside of Perth. C’mon, it’s entirely peopled with criminals who listen to ACDC and are upside down. WE’RE ON TO YOU OZ! Fosters: Australian for “we nicked the plane, now rack off and let's us enjoy what jolly jumbuck we got in our tucker bag.”
A 34 year old man continues recovery after a weekend shooting at the Tuscaloosa waffle house. Must have been a big fuss over that single jelly packet they give you.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1864, Congress voted to include the phrase "In God We Trust" on all U.S. currency... replacing the old slogan, "So, who do we trust?"
On this date in 1952, an atomic test conducted in Nevada is the first such explosion to be shown live on network television. Thus began a long tradition of networks showing bombs on TV.
MGM is planning a remake of "Ben Hur." Why? Ben Hur, done that.
Miley Cyrus is canceling some concert dates because she had a bad reaction to some antibiotics. How do they know it wasn't the other way around?
Netflix is raising the price for new customers by $2.00 a month. They say the price hike was unavoidable, because sending DVD's is going to become a lot pricier when the Post Office goes out of business.
And … We’re being warned that the soaring cost of chocolate threatens to ruin Easter 2015. I'm more concerned how the soaring cost of chocolate is going to affect Halloween 2014. Or this afternoon, for that matter.