March 1, 2015
5:05 am

Lisa Mason in the Morning


LMN 4-25-14 Meh.

by Lisa Mason posted Apr 25 2014 7:31AM
Ukraine’s Prime Minister says Russia is trying to start World War 3. Wow! We’d better hurry up and send Russia that harsh letter we’ve been threatening to start writing.
A Virgin Australia flight to Indonesia sent out a hijacking distress call, turns out the problem was a drunken passenger banging on the cockpit door. Drunk and disorderly is usually referred to as “Thursday” in Australia. Once the flight landed safely, the passenger was brought before officers who told him, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” To which the passenger responded, “Ace, Mate! Let’s get to it then!”
Not to get off on ANOTHER Mt Everest rant, but Nepal is now attempting to negotiate with the Sherpas who left the mountain after an avalanche killed 16 of the famous guides. Who knew Sherpas were unionized? Anyway, the government of Nepal is telling would-be climbers at Base Camp that they can still attempt the climb without the Sherpas and that “it’s relatively safe to make a summit attempt” alone. LOL.   It’s a trap!
President Obama wants to reduce the sentences of thousands of criminals serving long federal prison sentences because of what he calls unfair laws. In a related story, the Oakland Raiders have been issued the most difficult schedule for the 2014 NFL season. Maybe the Raiders can plea their schedule down to something more lenient.
Georgia has a new law allowing licensed gun owners to carry firearms into bars, some government buildings, schools and churches. Churches? Now every marriage will be a shotgun wedding! From now on, Georgia will be known as the "There Were No Survivors, State." I can’t believe they didn’t include airplanes on the list. Nothing like a warning shot to keep that kid from kicking the back of your seat. Of course, there would be that exorbitant bullet-carry-on fee…
Need more proof that humans need dogs in order to communicate with each other? Here. A blind man and blind woman in Britain, who started dating after their guide dogs became friends, have gotten married in a ceremony where the dogs acted as ring bearers. I bet neither one of them saw THIS coming!
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1684, a patent was granted for the thimble. A thimble is something is used in a mysterious practice known as "sewing." Not exactly sure what that is, but I know a needle is involved. Must have something to do with drugs.
On this date in 1792, a robber became the first person under French law to be executed by the guillotine. He didn't let that go to his head though. The guillotine was a new innovation then, it was the featured item of the day on the Home Chopping Network.
A study from England claims the average British man keeps a pair of underwear for 7-years. But remember, we're talking British guys, so it's not necessarily men's underwear.
A "Duck Dynasty Live" show, scheduled for Missouri this weekend, has been canceled due to poor ticket sales. I guess they’re all quacked up.

And … Catholics around the world are seeking clarification from the Vatican after Pope Francis phoned a divorced woman to tell her she can receive Communion. And to make things even more complicated, that woman is now demanding half of her ex-husband's Communion.
Filed Under :
Location : GeorgiaMissouri
People : FrancisObama
04/25/2014 7:33AM
LMN 4-25-14 Meh.
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