November 24, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 4-2-14 Vader for President of Ukraine? Heck yeah!

by Lisa Mason posted Apr 2 2014 8:07AM
Time to get out there and hit those "After April Fool's Day Sales!"

The government of France has resigned after the ruling Socialists took a drubbing in Sunday's municipal elections. In other words, France has surrendered to France.

A Long Island high school student has been accepted by all 8 Ivy League colleges and universities. Big deal. He's made the Elite 8. Let’s see what happens in the Final Four! The student, Kwasi Enin, said, "I have no idea how this happened. I was just trying to sign up my family for ObamaCare."

The National Commission on Voting Rights held a hearing last night in Birmingham.  Numerous complaints were heard ranging from long lines at the polls (obviously those at the meeting weren’t actual Birmingham voters, there’s never a line at my place other than the one for buses and free phones and liquor) and that things for which they voted didn’t win (OK, maybe they ARE real Birmingham voters because that’s just whiney).

A sub has been added to the search for Flight MH370. It’s about time! I bet the search crews are hungry!

The Ku Klux Klan started a major recruiting drive this week, in Texas, Louisiana, Illinois and Pennsylvania. I don't think they'll get too far. The KKK recruitment website is run by the same person who designed HealthCare.gov. They’re handing out recruitment flyers hat read, "You can sleep tonight knowing the Klan is awake!" If you want to know the truth, KKK, sales of Skittles and ice tea to teenagers weren't keeping me up late.

And a few things you need to know…

On this date in 1954, plans were unveiled to build a place called Disneyland. They were the happiest plans on earth.

On this date in 1827, lead pencils were manufactured for the very first time. The workers immediately began chanting, "We're #2! We're #2!"

A 550 foot Ferris wheel, the world's tallest, opened Monday in very windy Las Vegas. I guess this is for people who are tired of gambling with their money and want to gamble with their lives. 

The very first soap opera gay wedding concludes on "Days of Our Lives." Don't forget to set the alarm on your hour glass.

Chick- Fil-A beat KFC as America’s favorite chicken place. KFC is operated by the same people who own Taco Bell, who is involved in a war with McDonald's. Now KFC is in a war with Chick-Fil-A. I guess the big question is can KFC/Taco Bell wage a two-front food-fight?

And … Here's one more slice of chaos coming out of Ukraine. Darth Vader is running for president! The Star Wars icon has been chosen as the candidate to represent the Ukrainian Internet Party, who aims to create the world's first "government by internet."  If you spend a lot of time on the internet – you know it’s full of freaks so the Internet Party WOULD need a strong leader like Darth Vader to keep Vlad Putin in check. Stormtroopers would help too. Hey! You know what you call a bunch of Stormtroopers playing Monopoly? A Game of CLONES.  
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04/02/2014 8:10AM
LMN 4-2-14 Vader for President of Ukraine? Heck yeah!
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