LMN 5-21-14 Popes, Holograms and a Vampire!
by Lisa Mason
posted May 21 2014 7:20AM
Since we busted them in the act, China has agreed to stop their cyber-spying. Now if we could get them to stop sending us toys with lead in them and poison pet food we’d be good.
Pope Francis will journey to the Holy Land this Saturday, along with a Rabbi and a Muslim sheik as his travel companions. No word yet if at any point the Pope, the Rabbi and the Muslim will walk into a bar, but I'm praying. When Joe Biden heard the Pope say he’d leave the Holy See to visit the Holy Land* as “a simple pilgrim,” the Vice President commented, "As a pilgrim? You need bigger buckles on your shoes and you're wearing the wrong kind of hat."
A new study on longevity says a woman's life expectancy in the U.S. is 81, while a man's is 76. Five more years? No fair! Women will have to suffer through 1 more presidential campaign than men do!
A band called Spirit, that played with Led Zeppelin in the 1960's, is accusing Zep of stealing the iconic opening riff of the classic hit, "Stairway to Heaven" from a Spirit song. I've listened to Spirit's version of the song, which predates Led Zeppelin's, and I must say ... the song remains the same.**
The 600 year old skeleton of a suspected vampire has been found in a small town in Poland. The vampire had a rock in his mouth and a wooden stake driven through his leg. Why was the stake driven through his leg instead of his heart? The vampire hunter apparently worked out of a VA hospital. Officials say this could well be a “vampire cemetery.” What? How do you find a vampire cemetery anyway? Take a left at the Unicorn sanctuary and a right at the Werewolf pound? If you run into zombies, you've gone too far.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1840, New Zealand was declared a British colony. That inspired the song, "Itsy, bitsy, teeny-weeny, brand-new colony of kiwi."
On this date in 1881, the American Red Cross was born. At first, the organization was a disaster. But, since that's what they help out with, it all worked out.
A blind football player will get a chance to play at Tulane. Referees have been doing it for years, but this would mark the first player.
St. Louis Rams coach Jeff Fisher says he will not hesitate to cut Michael Sam if he doesn't measure up on the field. Meanwhile, some football analysts say there's a better chance that Sam will marry his boyfriend than there is that Sam will make the roster of the Rams. So if you see Michael Sam down on one knee, there's a bigger chance that he's proposing than there is he's holding for an extra point.
Bad news for that Michael Jackson hologram from the Billboard Music Awards. It was so realistic, Dr. Conrad Murray wrote it a prescription.
And … Sir Paul McCartney has had to cancel all his concert dates in Japan because of a bad virus he picked up in South America. I hope it's nothing that Justin Bieber passed around when he was down there. Music lovers around the world are worried about McCartney’s health – but God’s jazzed because He’s just one virus away from a full-on Beatles reunion."
**Mom and Da: it’s a song title.