September 15, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 5-23-14 Catchy Title Here.

by Lisa Mason posted May 23 2014 7:21AM
Have a great weekend, may your Memorial Day travels be less delayed than our veterans’ medical treatment!  President Obama says someone WILL be held accountable for the disastrous situation at the VA. Right now he’s considering firing someone at the NSA for not sharing all the phone records about the scandal he somehow didn't know about, even though he campaigned for VA reform. Y'know,  I’m willing to bet they have some great and prompt healthcare at Gitmo if you’re on the other side of the bars.
 
The U.N. Security Council has approved sanctions against Boko Haram, the Al Qaeda-linked terror organization that has killed hundreds in Nigeria and abducted more than 300 school girls last month. Woah, look out! They’re sending a strongly-worded letter! Seeing as how no one can find where the group is camped, how is that harsh note going to be delivered? I’m sure the guys in Boko Haram are positively trembling in fear, especially since Hashtag Diplomacy is letting them know that people kinda sorta care that #WeWantStuffDone and #WeWillSanctionYou because of it. I can’t believe they’re not rushing to surrender; Michelle Obama even Tweeted about this!
 
What Ernest Hemmingway once described as the "World Series" of bullfighting in Spain, had to be suspended after bulls gored the top three matadors in front of a sold out bull ring. This is the first time the Bulls have won anything since Michael Jordan retired.
 
A study says that deadly germs can live in airplane cabins for up to a week and that even they will complain about the leg room and the food.
 
50 U.S. Senators sent a letter to Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder, demanding that he change the name of his football team. And to save postage, they also included their luxury box renewal checks.
 
The Cullman County Health Department is investigating a strange liquid, and a foul smell seeping from a crypt at Cullman Memory Gardens.   This is a grave matter, someone should dig into it.
 
New York City Fleet Week started Wednesday, and ends Tuesday morning when all the ships depart. Well, unless Chris Christie has the harbor blocked.
 
After studying the histories of victims, disease investigators have determined that most of the people who became infected with the MERS virus in the Middle East were camel handlers. I don't even want to know what these guys do with their camels on hump day. I think I'd walk a mile to avoid a camel.
 
The cosmos has aligned, quite literally, for families, space geeks and insomniacs alike, as the Earth is set to intercept a new meteor shower late tonight into Saturday. About 1 - 3 AM look up and you might see the Camelopardalis shower.. Remember, a meteor that hits the planet is called a “meteorite” – the ones that miss are called “meteorwrongs.”
 
And a few things you need to know…
 
On this date in 1430, Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians, who sold her to the English where they held a roast in her honour. Most people don’t know she was captured and sold to the English for two future draft picks, plus a Saint to be named later.
 
On this date in 1785, Ben Franklin wrote a letter, claiming to have invented bifocals. The letter was blurry on the top, but clear on the bottom.
 
They now have Viagra for woman. The little pink pill claims to boost women’s desire. Stupid scientists! Why waste the research money on pills when you could have just bought a chocolate cupcake and something from Tiffany’s and been done? Morans!
 
The Batman/Superman movie now has a name: "Batman versus Superman: Dawn of Justice." Obviously, because of top billing, Batman has a better agent. Sounds like a lot of B/S. The movie is already filming in Detroit. Must be shooting the "world has already come to an end" scenes.
 
"Game of Thrones" is scouting locations for their upcoming season in Spain. "G.O.T.," stay away from the plain. We wouldn't want rain to cancel the "Game."
 
Fairly drunk and Unbalanced, Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett was arrested at a Bar inside the Minneapolis Airport. I didn’t know this guy moved to Fox News from MSNBC. At least now when he gets fired, there will be viewers who actually miss him. Whoever he is.
 
And … Prince Phillip had minor surgery on his right hand last week after suffering an undisclosed injury. My guess is Camilla bit him when he reached his hand into her oat-bucket.
 
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05/23/2014 7:24AM
LMN 5-23-14 Catchy Title Here.
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