LMN 5-27-14 Why wasn't Kimye on that plane?
by Lisa Mason
posted May 27 2014 8:29AM
I hope your Memorial Day went well. It's that very special day of the year when Americans honor our fallen soldiers by getting arrested for drunken boating and having mattress sales.
Nigeria’s defense chief says his military had located nearly 300 school girls abducted by extremists, but that they will not attempt to free them by force. So now Boco Haram knows that Nigeria knows but knows they aren’t going to do anything about it.
Just when this story falls off everyone’s radar … Under pressure for more information from families of those lost aboard Malaysia Flight 370, the Malaysian government is releasing raw satellite data. They believe the data proves the missing plane is in the Indian Ocean. I’m going to go out on a limb here, but has anyone searched BACK at the Malaysian airport? Worth a shot …
President Obama’s halfhearted VA scandal apology still doesn’t sit well with many Americans … Diehard fans of "The Price is Right" were outraged last week when the show was interrupted by Obama’s “It’s Bush’s fault” speech. Conservatives jumped on their own bandwagon, saying President Obama would have NEVER interrupted a show called "The Price is Left."
Francesco's Pizzeria in Mumbai claims to be the first in the world to use drones for deliveries, saying it could solve the extremely first world problem of delivering food before it gets cold. All I ever hear is “Mumbai this,” “Mumbai that.” Why don’t kids ask their dads to buy things?
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1919, the first pop up toaster was invented. You can imagine how useless Pop Tarts were up until then.
Today is Henry Kissinger's 91st birthday, although he negotiated it down to just 81. Dang, he's good.
Happy belated birthday to actor Peter Cushing. Charming … to the last.
You can't argue with science. Apparently, women who are cheered up by a circus clown after receiving in vitro fertilization are 16% more likely to get pregnant. And women who are cheered up by Ronald McDonald are 16% more likely to get fat. Should we really be bringing circus performers into our hospital rooms? I don't want some government acrobat coming between me and my doctor.
Donald Sterling has agreed to release control of the L.A. Clippers to his wife, Shelly Sterling, who will then negotiate the sale of the team. So Shelly Sterling is surely selling. All we need is a seashore! Meanwhile, Donald is now under investigation for evading taxes on several properties which are still "owned" by his grandmother -- who died back in 1966. Let me guess, one of the properties is the Bates Motel.
And… Talentless hack Kim Kardashian and professional egomaniac Kanye West got married over the weekend. Now Kanye, Imma letchoo finish – but Beyonce had the best wedding of all time. OF ALL TIME!