LMN 5-28-14 Low Content Warning!
by Lisa Mason
posted May 28 2014 8:00AM
The majority of US troops will be pulled out of Afghanistan. You know – I always wondered why Afghanistan is the first country in a website drop-down box. They only have half a million internet users on dial up and Amazon doesn’t carry detonators.
You might think politics has nothing to do with entertainment, but Last Thursday's military coup in Thailand cost everyone there a Taylor Swift concert. So THAT’s how we get her to stop! Can we plan a coup wherever Kimye is staying?
If you missed it, President Obama marked Memorial Day with a visit to Arlington National Cemetery and the Tomb of the Unknowns, where he laid a wreath. Maybe he should have visited a VA hospital, where he's laid an egg.
US Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi is still being held at Tijuana's La Mesa Penitentiary, some form of third-world hearing is set for today. Mexican officials claim he was running guns over the Mexican boarder. Isn’t it curious Mexican officials say they have a boarder, while US officials won’t acknowledge that we have one?
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1930, Neville Chamberlain became the prime minister of Britain. He was 7 feet tall and quite the ladies man. Oh, wait: that was Wilt Chamberlain. Nevermind.
The oldest American woman has turned 115 years old in Detroit. Well, 115 for us, 145 in Detroit years.
Orlando, Florida has been listed as the most dangerous city for pedestrians. A city spokesman was quoted as saying, "Hey, if they don't like how we drive, then stay off of the sidewalks!"
Beginning next month, Washington State's 14,000 parolees will legally be able to smoke pot. What could possibly go wrong?
And … Pope Francis met with Jewish and Muslim leaders in the Middle East. The good news is, they all found something they can agree on. The bad news is; it's that my news isn’t funny today.