LMN 6-12-14 Got vuvuzela?
by Lisa Mason
posted Jun 12 2014 8:00AM
It’s Friday the 13th Eve! Do you open your camper torsos tonight or wait till morning?
A group deemed “too extreme for Al Qaida” has captured two of the larger cities in Iraq after Iraqi security forces dropped their uniforms and fled. At this rate, they’re gonna get sued for impersonating the French.
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are searching for 3 dangerous, escaped prison inmates who made their getaway after a helicopter landed in the detention facility's courtyard. It's basically the exact same thing that happened last week at Gitmo, but that had been approved by the White House.
This manner of thing is usually reserved for Craigslist, but a Tuscaloosa teen is in jail for soliciting the murder of her family and their dog via Facebook. The girl’s aunt, the primary target, discovered the plot while posing as a guy on Facebook to monitor her niece’s activity. Christmas will be a little awkward this year. What a sad world we’re in where you can’t even trust strangers on the internet to be real hit men!
President Obama is being criticized for chomping on gum during a D-Day ceremony. It was probably Nicorette. If he’d been smoking during the ceremony Michelle would make him sleep on the couch. To be fair, the 7 minutes each cigarette takes off his life might be worth the 7 minutes he doesn’t have to answer questions about Bowe Bergdahl and Benghazi.
A defense lawyer says authorities are overreaching with a murder charge against an Alabama father charged in the slaying of his daughter's sexual abuser. Not to condone vigilante justice* but if a “murder charge” means this dad will “get a medal for doing what sane people want to do to a convicted child molester” then OK.
A California teacher allegedly forced some of his students to take him to a Jack In The Box restaurant at knifepoint. Apparently, summer break came none too soon.
And a few things you need to know …
20 years ago today – America’s attention was glued to a slow white bronco. No, not Peyton Manning. It’s the anniversary of the OJ Simpson chase! Olympian Oscar Pistorious once said he wanted to be just like “regular” athletes. Who knew he was talking about OJ?
A study says that rats are capable of feeling regret after making wrong choices. But enough about congress...
So this is why he keeps forgetting he agreed to sell the Clippers. During a conversation about the likelihood Donald Sterling may be suffering from Alzheimer's, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer confused Alzheimer's with Tourette syndrome. This is either the first symptom of Alzheimer's, or Tourette’s.
And … “Are you ready for some soooooooooocer?” The World Cup gets underway in Brazil. The coach of America's team says the U.S. squad isn't good enough to win. I just hope they're fast enough to get out of those Brazilian stadiums before they collapse. Australia also doesn’t hold much chance of winning: they actually left their plane running to save time so they can get home and watch the WC on TV. England’s team isn’t expected to do well either. Killing time in Rio, the players visited an orphanage. “It breaks my heart to see those sad faces without a shred of hope,” said Jose, age 6.
* Which I’m about to.