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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 7-21-14

by Lisa Mason posted Jul 21 2014 8:16AM
Time to get out and hit those “after Moon landing anniversary sales!”
 
Even though their safety cannot be assured at the crash site of Flight MH17, investigators have been sent to Ukraine … presumably by boat or car.
 
President Obama is calling on the Israelis to exercise "restraint" during their ground offensive into Gaza. Of course, he said the same thing to Team Germany when they were playing Brazil at the World Cup. With news of the Israeli ground offensive spreading, Hamas put their forces on high alert--which means to start gathering all throwable rocks into a big pile.
 
A professor at Brown University says the drinking age in the U.S. should be lowered to 8 years old. Oh yeah, that'll make 3rd grade easier.
 
Breaking news! We're just getting word that the Israelis and the Palestinians are close to a cease fire deal. Hang on, And now I'm being told that the Palestinians are celebrating the news by firing rockets into Israel, while Israel responds by an increased ground assault. C’mon people.
 
 
Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began. Kids in L.A. are spending this summer cooling off on a Slip 'n Stick.
 
Oh look, MORE word from the Middle East.The Israeli Army says they've been training for years for a ground invasion of Gaza neighborhoods by practicing fighting in public. They even hired those bats from The View as expert consultants.
 
29-yer old Maarten de Jonge, he’s Dutch, I don’t know how to pronounce his weird Moon-name, anyway – he’s master-level at escaping a horrible death. He missed not one but both Malaysian airline disasters. The a professional cyclist had a ticket for not only last Thursday's doomed Flight 17, but also the still-missing Flight 370. In both cases, he changed his flight at the last minute. I will follow the Non-Flying Dutchman out of ANY foreign airport, anytime.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
It was this date in 1969 Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin left the moon after 21.5 hours on the surface. They left behind a plaque which read, "Here men from the planet Earth first set foot upon the moon, July 1969, A.D. We came in peace for all mankind. Starbucks coming soon."
 
On this date in 1972, Elvis Presley appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. This was later in his career, so it actually took two issues to get him all on.
 
 
The Church of England's governing body has voted to permit women to serve as bishops. So women can now be Queens AND bishops? I'm not going to tell them how to run their church, but they certainly don't know anything about chess.
 
 
Hope Casey Kasem wasn’t expecting any dignity in death. It’s been over a month since he died, his body has yet been laid to rest … and now it’s missing. Wow what a shame; if it wasn’t for Mr. Kasem, many of us never would have learned how to count backward from 40.
 
A Florida woman ordered the most expensive Starbucks drink ever, costing $60.58. She could have spent more, but she only wanted the tall.
 
We can only assume she already safely smuggled her family out of the country… but A Russia Today news anchor has resigned, saying she's tired of "spreading lies for Putin."
 
A totally hammered Charlie Sheen had his limo driver take him to an undisclosed Taco Bell in the wee hours last week where customers took cell phone pictures of Sheen slurring his words while ordering some Doritos Locos Tacos. Police didn't show up, or Charlie could have been arrested for being drunk and disborderly.
 
Archaeologists in central India have discovered 10,000-year-old rock paintings which depict "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" looking extraterrestrial aliens and their space ship! At least that's what my reptilian overlords told me to tell you.
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07/21/2014 8:18AM
LMN 7-21-14
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