LMN 7-22-14 My Ironic Night as a Hipster
by Lisa Mason
posted Jul 22 2014 8:01AM
No news entry today. I’m in the middle of moving and the company who was to SUPPOSED to supply my internet (I won’t give their name but they go by just their initials) simply never showed up yesterday for an appointment that was booked last week. Despite numerous confirmations. Despite saying they were on the way. NOW I’m told that on Thursday, I’ll have the golden opportunity to sit at home and wait for an installer to (maybe) come by and bring me into the 20th Century by hooking up the Glorious Internet.
Till then, I have to resort to the hipster method of loitering in places with free Wi-Fi. Attempting to write my news last night, I put on my little black rimmed glasses (that aren’t really prescription) and sat at Starbucks with a half-caf latte with a vanilla shot and lo-fat whipped cream because they have free Wi-Fi. I started doing my work but then got sidetracked by a Salinger debate. 20 minutes later, I’m back writing some jokes about the boarder crisis when someone notices I am working on a new Dell tablet/laptop. All Hipster Hell broke loose.
I peer through my fake glasses and notice EVERYONE in Starbucks is pecking away on a MacBook Pro or iPad. All those little Apple logos are all gleaming in the fashionably-dimmed lighting like jungle creatures glaring angry beacons of loathing toward my Android-platform loving self. One guy in a winter hat stands up and points at me, his mouth open in a silent scream much like the dude in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” They saw through my disguise thanks to the Dell! So I did the only logical thing I could; claimed I was fixing my Mother’s computer. This appeased the artisanal locovore cuisine mob and they actually invited me back today for a gluten-free muffin.
If I don’t get my own internet access soon, I’ll soon start ironically wearing quirky post-modern jewelry and listing to Birmingham Mountain Radio.