LMN 7/31/14 Why not Sharktopia? It's happier!
by Lisa Mason
posted Jul 31 2014 8:26AM
“It’s the Night that the Lights Went Out in Gaza." Power remains offline for whoever is left in Gaza. Some Israeli officials are accusing the U.S. of favoring Hamas in our news coverage. Another official labeled Secretary of State John Kerry's cease-fire proposal "a strategic terrorist attack against Israel." Hopefully, Israel can defend itself against this U.S. strategic terrorist attack with their U.S. funded Iron Dome defense system. Officials say Chinese hackers have stolen the schematics for that same missile shield. Mideast observers say this could "level the playing field" between Israel and Gaza. In a related story, Israeli forces just leveled a playing field IN Gaza.
Remember the mysterious giant hole that appeared in Siberia last week? Two MORE giant holes have appeared there as well. I get the feeling someone is turning the Earth into a bowling ball. It’s either that or Morlocks.
A Malaysia Airlines flight at Australia’s Adelaide airport was forced to abort takeoff in midair due to a near miss. Wow, MA can’t even buy good press these days! I’m starting to wonder if their main base is built on an old Indian burial ground, or maybe they ran over a Gypsy.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1498, Christopher Columbus discovered the island of Trinidad. Where is Trinidad? Just to the left of Trinimom.
Sarah Palin now has her own subscription TV channel. I've already ordered not to get it for two full years.
Actor Orlando Bloom has done what all sane, civilized men wish to do; he threw a punch at Justin Bieber. Bieber is like the little brother you never had the chance to repeatedly beat the crap out of.
A new health study says that fist bumps spread 90% fewer germs than handshakes. No kidding. I don’t mean to sound OCD, but I do worry excessively about the 1% of germs my hand sanitizer doesn’t kill. “Kills 99% of germs!” What’s the deal with the last 1%? Is it some super-strain that could mutate into a hybrid-vectorlike strain that kills half our population? Why can’t it be killed? And what happens if the 1% Germ gets into the animal population? We could end up with Fluasaurus! Half dinosaur, half flu virus! Wait – somebody get Sy-Fy on the phone and we’ll pitch the idea. We are one lab accident away from a new cult movie hit!*
And while we’re on the topic … it WASN’T last night. I can’t read a TV schedule. "Sharknado 2," about an F5 tornado filled with sharks, hits the Sy-Fy Channel tonight. This took me totally by surprise because I didn't see anything about it in James Spann’s 5-day forecast. Word is the third "Sharknado" film is set for a Christmas release. It's called, "Shark the Herald Angels Sing."
*Sy-FY producers, call my agent!**
**By “agent” I mean “my cell number.”***
***Because I don’t have an agent. UNLESS having one would land me a part in Moth-apus in which case I’ll go GET an agent.