LMN 7-9-14 Trying to avoid another WC headline
by Lisa Mason
posted Jul 9 2014 7:52AM
Heartbroken Brazil fans are claiming the Germans cheated in yesterday’s World Cup shocker – Germany scored 7 goals to Brazil’s measly 1. Let it go. If Germany had scored 6 million goals, there are still some idiots in this world who would claim it didn’t happen. Did you know that all Brazilians were given a half day off work every time Brazil played in the World Cup? Sadly for them, their soccer team took ALL of yesterday off while the Germans were in town. Fox News has been running a super all morning that says “Germany gives Brazil ‘Das Boot’ in the World Cup.” Yes, Germany has indeed given Brazil “the boat.” Huh? C’mon, Fox; just make a Blitzkrieg joke like everyone else. The only thing that ticked me off about yesterday’s game was that the Germans on Team USA weren’t as good as the Germans on Team Germany. And what are the odds that a whopping total of 8 POINTS would be scored in a soccer game? A BRAZILLIAN to one.
U.S. immigration authorities are trying to figure out a humane way to deal with thousands of undocumented children who have crossed the boarder. I guess nobody even considered my idea of building a huge waterslide at Six Flags Over Texas that dumps out onto the Mexican side of the Rio Grande.
A 26 year old is under arrest after a knock down drag out with his brother. Johnathon Gesell faces several charges including aggravated assault, criminal mischief and aggravated battery. The brothers had been arguing before Johnathon hit James in the back … with a garden gnome. Want to guess where this gnome-related battery took place? Yep. FLORIDA. Honestly, the plot to Sharknado 2 isn’t as absurd as everything that actually happens daily in Florida
Afghani presidential hopeful Abdullah Abdullah is claiming victory victory even though he lost lost the election.
And a few things you need to know …
It was on this date back in 1816, Argentina became Independent of Spain. Otherwise, there would have been one less team in the World Cup.
On this date in 1932, the Washington Redskins were formed. Apparently, the name only had a shelf life of 82 years.
Miley Cyrus's NBC TV special, "The Miley Cyrus Bangerz Tour" tanked in the ratings, drawing a total of only 2-million viewers Sunday night. It was so bad; a lot of people said they turned it off to read Hillary Clinton's new book.
A group of scientists in Scotland have concluded that global warming could cause the extinction of redheads from the human race. The theory is that as the world gets more sunlight and becomes hotter, the gene that produces the red coloring in hair will eventually die off. How do you tell a redhead they are on the verge of extinction? Gingerly.
And … Crumbs Bake Shop, the famous New York chain known for their over-the top cupcakes, is closing all of it’s stores. Cupcakes lovers will now be forced to buy delicious baked goods just about anywhere else.
Yep. That’s all the news there is. Was tied up with the World Cup yesterday and got zero work done, plus I’ve got an interview with Judas Priest in an hour! That’ll be on the show tomorrow, if I don’t waste the afternoon watching Argentina hopefully win.