LMN 8-1-14 Seriously? August already?
by Lisa Mason
posted Aug 1 2014 8:07AM
Tensions are escalating to a breaking point despite international calls for peace and reason; Justin Bieber is making fun of Orlando Bloom on Instagram. Bloom took a swing at Bieber the other night almost punched him in the face, now Biebs is retaliating by acting like a 4 year old (which in his world is also known as “Thursdays”). The video of Legolas shoving Bieber and swinging at his face is making the internet rounds. With half the world at war and the other half getting ready to join in the war – Orlando Bloom has given us all a rare gift. Thanks, Orlando. You’re still hot.
A three day cease fire is underway in Gaza, only 4 people killed so far during this one. I do not think “cease fire” means what they think it means but they’re trying to move forward with the truce. Wow. While I was typing that last sentence the entire truce crumbled and they’re back to fighting. One analyst I heard said “It’s normal during a cease fire to test the other side’s commitment to it.” So it’s normal to lob a few rockets around during a truce just to see if you get craphammered by an airstrike in return? That idea makes as much sense as a gloopiglottumus hydrangea-pig depository.
There’s a devastating drought under way in Los Angeles. Today, the Department of Water and Power urged city residents to only fill their bongs with water on odd-numbered days. Right now, conditions in L.A. are drier than my own “comedy.”
The TSA is offering a $5,000 reward for the best idea on how to speed up airport security lines. If you win, you'll get $1 a year for the next 5,000 years.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1793, France became the first nation to switch to the metric system. You know the old saying, "Give 'em inch and they'll convert it to 2.54 centimeters."
I’m an idiot – I thought Sharknado 2 was the other night, then heard it was last night, but it was actually the other night. How sad is it that the NSA knows I have it on my DVR but I don’t?
Production on "The Big Bang Theory" has been halted due to unproductive contract negotiations with cast members. The actors want to change the name of the show to "The Big Bucks Theory." Funny thing, actors; they’ll hold out for more money to the point where they will lose the job all together.
And … "Game of Thrones" is adding 9 new characters to the show for the upcoming season. I'm guessing one of them will be Keith Urban because he already has a beard.