March 4, 2015
6:49 am

Lisa Mason in the Morning


LMN 8-26-14 I really need a title

by Lisa Mason posted Aug 26 2014 8:29AM
I couldn’t find any picture that somehow related to any story here, so have a cute bat.
Did you watch any of the Emmy’s last night? I believe they’re just about done with acceptance speeches. In honour of “Breaking Bad” most of the actors showed up high on meth. Call me when they start handing out awards for Best Original Tweet about Someone Else’s Screenplay because I think I’ve got it.
Sunday’s 6.0 earthquake is considered California's biggest disaster since the Oakland Raiders. Meanwhile, Doomsday Sayers claim California will be plagued with floods, earthquakes and droughts as punishment until we stop doing that Ice Bucket Challenge. All the cable news stations are showing video of winemakers sweeping up thousands of broken bottles. Nobody has seen that many jagged shards since breakfast with Courtney Love.
The US is prepping airstrikes on ISIS targets in Syria. Syria says that sounds like an act of war … against Syria. How long till the Nobel Peace Prize people call and tell Obama they want their award back?
The Birmingham City Council only has a day left to act before hundreds of city retirees see their health insurance costs skyrocket. Sorry guys! Can’t help you on the insurance thing, we got ourselves an Empowerment Festival to plan and need to take those DNC reps to Hot and Hot.
A Tennessee high school senior was suspended from school for saying, "bless you" after someone sneezed. That's pretty bad, but in Iraq you get beheaded for that.
Critics are saying that President Obama is spending too much on the golf course during these trying times. His caddy says that’s absolutely untrue. Just because the Golf Channel is going to get the exclusive on all his future press conferences doesn’t mean a thing.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 55 BC, Roman forces under Julius Caesar invaded Britain. You thought the Beatles were the first British Invasion -- guess again!
On this date in 1920, the 19th Amendment was passed, giving women the right to vote. Finally we could share the blame!
The network FXX is now showing every "Simpson's" show ever. That's all 552 wacky "Simpson's" episodes … except for the one where O.J. chopped up those people.
Not to cause a panic or anything BUT we’re exactly four months from hitting the after-Christmas sales. Monday’s Labor Day so those Christmas decorations should be up in stores in 3 … 2… 1.
And … here’s two stories I had on the show this morning for your consideration.  
It was a real Sit Storm. A United Airlines flight from Newark to Denver was diverted after 2 passengers got into a fight over a Knee Defender. The Knee Defender is a passive-aggressive gadget that prevents the person in front of you from reclining. The incident escalated when a woman went to recline her seat, only to find it blocked by the man behind her and his Knee Defender. A flight attendant told him to remove the gadget, he refused so the woman threw a drink in his face. The plane diverted to Chicago, dropped off the idiots, then flew on to Denver an hour and a half late. If two goofs make me late because of their attitude one of them BETTER end up in cuffs. Both passengers are 48 years old. Grow up.  Flying is bad enough without turning it into the Hunger Games.
The next story for debate is the South Carolina high school freshman who was arrested then suspended. Know what his terroristic crime was? A writing assignment in which he tells a story about shooting his neighbor’s pet dinosaur.
The creative writing assignment so horrified teachers they immediately called 911, the kid was searched and hauled away. Cops say he was arrested because he became disorderly when confronted by teachers. Well heck who wouldn’t be gobsmacked and ticked off? “Lisa, we’ve called the police because you used the word ‘gun’ while writing your news.” WHAAAAAAT?
Hey - Can I have the teacher who made me read Of Mice and Men arrested? There was a gun in that. This is beyond absurd; they can’t take real guns away from us so now you can’t even say the word without fear of the complainy-pants-police. Given the state of education in many areas, it’s a miracle the kid could even spell “gun.”

Filed Under :
People : Courtney LoveObama
08/26/2014 8:31AM
LMN 8-26-14 I really need a title
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