October 2, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 8-29-14 Now with pandas!

by Lisa Mason posted Aug 29 2014 7:49AM
Vineyard owners are still tabulating the cost of a powerful 6.0 earthquake in Northern California that destroyed thousands of bottles of precious wines. Well, that's why I buy my wine in boxes. Can we start a Box Wine challenge instead of the ice bucket thing?

You’d think this would be crossing a “red line” of some kind, but an independent U.N. commission states there's evidence that the Syrian military used chlorine gas on its own people at least eight times in April. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad dismissed the charge claiming he only used chlorine so his enemies could get their white flags their absolute whitest.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is claiming victory in the latest war in Gaza, affirming that Gaza must become a "demilitarized zone." Well, if you can do a touchdown dance in the end zone, why not in a demilitarized zone? Now that they've demilitarized Gaza, maybe we can work on demilitarizing Missouri police departments. Meanwhile, Hamas is ALSO claiming victory in Gaza. Thousands killed, massive damage … all of these people have a strange concept of “victory.”

For the SECOND time this week a flight had to be diverted due to a fight over legroom. A flight from Miami to Paris diverted to Boston because a 61-year-old Frenchman had a come apart when the passenger in front of him reclined their seat. I get it – tall people get royally screwed on airplanes. But YOU guys are the ones who can actually SEE at concerts. We short people end up having to contort like goblins just to peer around you guys. So it evens out.

John Lennon's killer, Mark David Chapman, has been denied parole for the 8th time. The surviving Beatles complained he didn’t get Yoko instead.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
On this date in 1977, three people were arrested in Memphis for plotting to dig up the body of Elvis Presley. What some people won't do to avoid paying the admission fee at Graceland.
 
Author William Friedkin turns 75. He wrote "The Exorcist." Never knew what possessed him to do that but he really makes heads turn.
 
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married in France last weekend. They had to: football has started and no one will miss a game to attend your wedding.
 
I'm worried about that new Elvis Presley hologram they’re making, because Elvis was made an honorary federal AND an honorary police officer. What if the Elvis hologram shoots the Michael Jackson and Tupac holograms? It could start a hologram race war, and we really don't need that.
 
Archaeologists in Northern England  found a 2,000-year old Roman toilet seat and say they're also expecting to find the toilet itself. Here's hoping they get to the bottom of it and lift the lid on this mystery.
 
Turns out prosecutors violated the constitutional rights of Kody Brown and his four wives, the stars of the reality TV show "Sister Wives," by conducting a years-long investigation into their marriage. Brown is also accused of leaving the toilet seat up four times as much as the average husband. He’s also four times more wrong than the average husband.
 
A panda in China is believed to have faked a pregnancy in order to get special treatment. Pregnant pandas at the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding get special treatment like private rooms and extra food, and it’s believed this panda mimicked the symptoms of pregnancy in order to get the perks. Umm… why did no one check? I’m worried that these researchers are taking pandas at their word. But this crafty panda does give me a great idea on how to get an extended paid vacation from work … can I borrow your baby?
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Topics : Human Interest
08/29/2014 7:52AM
LMN 8-29-14 Now with pandas!
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