LMN 8-5-14 Today's news is too newsy
by Lisa Mason
posted Aug 5 2014 8:19AM
Bowing to international pressure, a binding truce has at last been agreed upon: the "Big Bang Theory" stars have agreed to go back to work in exchange for a great big bag of money.
This is odd: a cease fire that has actually seen firing cease. Israel is pulling out its ground troops while Hamas complains that the rest of the world is doing NOTHING about their situation in Gaza. Nonsense, Iran is doing a great job supplying them with weapons. Sorry, from this point on, I am observing a temporary cease-fire on Gaza jokes.
The second American aid worker infected with the deadly Ebola virus arrives in Atlanta today and residents concerned. It’s OK! There are strict guidelines for transporting Ebola patients. First, identify the infected, then prep them for transport and place them on a Malaysian Airlines flight. Problem solved!
Alabama’s new abortion law has been deemed unconstitutional. A bunch of old white men want doctors performing abortions to have hospital access to “ensure the safety of women.” Um… aren’t they doctors? If something goes wrong, there’s a doctor right there. Why wait to be admitted to a hospital? Especially if that hospital is Brookwood because GOOODNESS it takes 3 hours just to get a mammogram there, I can’t imagine an emergency situation. If Brookwood is involved, I’d rather take my chances with someone who’s watched a few episodes of M*A*S*H.
New school food laws went into effect last month. Anything sugary, salty or fatty is banned even from bake sales. And it IS a law, so schools breaking that law will face penalties, unless they do what President Obama does regarding burdensome federal regulations ... just ignore the law. If they take all the sugary, salty and fatty foods out of public schools, gym class will turn into the Hunger Games.
And a few things you need to know …
It was on this date in 1620 that the Pilgrims left England, bound for the new world. It was just one day later that the phrase, "Are we there yet?" was born.
"Sharknado" star Tara Reid has launched a new fragrance line called "Shark". Just splash on a little and you'll feel like you can't act.
Turns out a blood clot is to blame for the death of Former American Idol contestant Michael Johns, I’d feel something about this if I remotely knew who he was.
A pro-marijuana activist claims responsibility for placing white flags on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. Everyone was shocked it wasn't France. Sorry Andrew B., it was all I had.
President Ronald Reagan's first White House press secretary, James Brady, who was shot along with Reagan by John Hinkley in 1981, has died at the age of 73. Although there will be no wake, his family is planning a Brady brunch.
And … In Sweden, a woman found IKEA bags with 80 skeletons inside. True to form, they were all unassembled.