LMN 8-7-14 Surf's up! WAY up!
by Lisa Mason
posted Aug 7 2014 8:10AM
Aloha Hawaii! “Birthplace of Obama (depending on whom you ask)!” They’re set to get hit by two hurricanes starting today. Many hurricane parties have been cancelled due to hurricane. Poor Hawaii; they have a thousand words for “water” but not one word for “love.”
Israel and Hamas are said to be at odds with one another over extending the current cease fire in Gaza. No kidding. Are we through the wormhole if they’re actually fighting ABOUT fighting while not actually fighting but waiting to fight? I hear Saturday night's alright for it.*
The first senior leaders of Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge to ever be punished have been sentenced to life in prison for crimes against humanity. Only took 35 years after their reign ended! Pol Pot murdered everyone he deemed smarter than himself, let’s hope Joe Biden doesn’t catch wind of that.
A North Carolina diner is offering a 15% off "Praying in Public" discount if customers give thanks to God before eating. Of course, if you're praying that your 'dine and dash' plan works successfully, sometimes God's answer is "You have the right to remain silent."
For the love. Lock your doors, people. Two homeowners in Ross Bridge awoke Wednesday morning to find their belongings missing. It’s reverse-Christmas! Police say burglars entered the homes through unlocked doors. If I ever wake up to find a burglar in my house looking for valuables, I’ll probably just get up and look WITH him.
Supporters yesterday held a mock funeral on the Edmund Pettis Bridge for portions recently struck out of the Voting Rights Act of 196fiiiiive YEAH. Wow! Fiiiive – yeah! WOW! Demon-warp is coming alive in 1965 - fiiive – fiiive! Gimme that, gimme that now! Gimme that, gimme that NOW! Gimme that, gimme that fiiiive – yeah! WOW!**
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1912, the Progressive Party nominated Theodore Roosevelt for president. Wow. I never knew soup had a political party. Oh, wait. That's Progresso. Nevermind.
A leading U.S. scientist says that aliens will be discovered within the next two decades or whenever you travel to Texas, Arizona or California. Whichever comes first.
Russian hacker-gangs claim they've stolen over 1 billion user names and passwords from U.S. internet accounts. I'm guessing if I can't remember 1 password, they can't remember 1 billion. Haha! Chumps!
Sharknado 2 is coming to movie theaters for one night later this month. That's good. Walking out of your house isn't as rewarding as walking out of a theater.
* It's a song, Mom and Da.
** It’s a different song Mom and Da. It has nothing to do with the Voting Rights Act of 196fiiiiiiive YEAH! Wow! Fiiiiiiiive -- oh nevermind.