October 1, 2014
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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

LMN 9-2-14 It's just a dog rant again

by Lisa Mason posted Sep 2 2014 8:00AM
The US wants to bomb ISIS in Syria – but instead we hit Al Shaabab in Somolia.  That’s Apple Maps for ya. Meanwhile, President Obama says calls to bomb ISIS targets are "putting the cart before the horse." And if anybody knows about carts, it's a guy who golfs as much as the President.
 
Fox 6 and Direct TV can’t get along, so Direct TV customers no longer watch Fox 6*. Whaaaaat?! No Judge Judy tonight?! I’m not ashamed to admit I love Judge Judy – we’re a lot alike (except I don’t have a law degree, a TV show or hundreds of millions of dollars).
  
An 88-year-old transvestite-Republican is running for Congress in San Diego. I'm not sure about his platform, but I his platform shoes are to die for.
 
Singer CeeLo Green will do a little probation after pleading no contest to charges that he slipped a woman ecstasy without her consent in 2012. Green THEN took to Twitter to let us know he feels that “it’s not rape if a person is unconscious.” By that standard … if someone knocks CeeLo out and beats the heck out of him with a baseball bat it’s not assault? We should test THAT theory.
 
It looks like it is finally calming down; ice buckets are being put away and our friends no longer look like they’ve been kicked out of a wet t-shirt contest. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge generated more than $100 million in donations in a single month. Now let’s see you do it in February.
 
And a few things you need to know …
 
In 1981, the United States officially recognized Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia. Wait. I thought those were Kardashians?
 
On this date in 1789, the U.S. Treasury was created. They're the ones who are in charge of the money our government doesn’t have.
 
 
People are complaining that Hershey's new corporate logo depicting a streamlined Hershey's Kiss looks just like the emoji "poop" symbol. Hershey's claims their new logo looks nothing like poop, but they do admit it floats in a swimming pool.
 
Some hacker leaked a ton of nude celebrity photos over the weekend. Best way to keep nude pictures of yourself off the internet? Don’t keep them on your computer or your phone. At lease we know we’ll never see nude pictures of Lois Lerner.**
 
The city of Clay must today defend its decision to ban Pit Bulls. Turns out the ordinance passed last year might be unconstitutional. Center Point, Irondale, and Gardendale also have ordinances banning or restricting pit bulls, but not the type of person that is traditionally attracted to pit bull ownership. Which is why I won’t patronize those areas. Judging from the comment section online (where faith in humanity goes to die), the ONLY problem facing the city of Clay is bands of uncontrolled Pit Bulls hell-bent on murder and mayhem. Glad they’ve solved all their other problems and have extra coin to spend on court costs. I get it: every dog is different just like the delicate and diverse citizens of Clay who are forced to live in unspeakable terror because Pit Bulls exist. Some Pit Bulls are jerks, like a lot of your coworkers, but arbitrarily classifying that and similar breeds under a “vicious dog ordinance” is just ignorant. Hera Mason isn’t a Pit Bull BUT she’d be considered dangerous in Clay because of her breed. She would rather lick your face than eat your face. Me, however … you have more to worry about from me than you do my dog. Hera even put a sign on her door saying “Beware of Human.”
Wow. Didn’t mean to get ranty about Clay. Now excuse me while I go ask Two Men and a Truck about some missing items and money from my move…
 
 
*So you can’t at present be told to text while driving to work by some skirt.
**Thankfully
Filed Under :
Location : San Diego
People : Al ShaababJudyLois LernerObama
09/02/2014 8:11AM
LMN 9-2-14 It's just a dog rant again
Please Enter Your Comments Below
09/05/2014 9:49PM
Fox 6 and Direct TV can’t get along, so Direct TV customers no longer watch Fox 6*. Whaaaaat?! No
I could care less, 42 better programing and news. Fox 6 PM broadcast includes 1.5 hrs of news over and over again.
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