LMN 9-3-14 Who is busting whom?
by Lisa Mason
posted Sep 3 2014 8:20AM
President Obama says we can “shrink ISIS to where they are a manageable problem.” A “manageable problem??” DANDRUFF is a “manageable problem,” ISIS is one step away from opening franchises like a “Bloodbath and Beyond” or a “Beheading and Breakfast.”
The long Labor Day weekend saw 6 killings in Birmingham alone, and city leaders are calling for more public safety talks. Because “let’s hold a meeting” is always the best policy. If you’re not part of the solution; you’re part of this meeting. I’m fussy and heavily armed yet I didn’t feel comfortable walking my large dog there. Maybe Mayor Bell could ease up on the unnecessary travel expenses and pay for an extra patrol in George Ward Park?
Nude photos of celebrities are being leaked all over the Net. This would be an interesting story if everybody didn't already have a bunch of nude photos of celebrities on their own hard drives. The FBI is still trying to crack the hacking case. Why don’t they just ask the NSA? Those guys have had Jennifer Lawrence nudes up on the break room bulletin board for the past 11 months.
The head of the CDC says the Ebola crisis in 4-West African countries is "spiraling out of control." Canada says they’re having the same problem with Justin Beiber.
It’s the third time in about a week. If you ask Delta what happened on Flight 2370, they will say it was diverted to Jacksonville “due to safety reasons in regard to a passenger issue.” That is secret code for "some lady lost her mind because another passenger reclined her seat 4 inches.”
Michael Sam, the first openly gay player drafted by the NFL, is cut from the Rams and gracefully poised to join the Dallas Cowboys practice squad. Congratulations, Cowboy! You've climbed the mountain! It's Brokeback Mountain, but hey, it's a baby step.
And a few things you need to know …
On this date in 1935, an automobile went over 300 miles per hour for the very first time. I'm sure going off that cliff had a lot to do with it.
Word is the new iPhone 6 will have environmental sensors that will measure the temperature and barometric pressure. Which means, 24 hours a day, you'll be able to tell that the weather forecast was wrong.
Werner Franz, the last surviving member of the crew of the Hindenburg has died at age 92. THERMITE be a problem with the autopsy. To those of you who don't know of the Hindenburg disaster, it was a large bag of hot gas that crashed and burned in New Jersey, a lot like Chris Christie's presidential aspirations. Oh the humanity…
2 separate companies have donated enough body cameras to equip the entire Ferguson, Missouri police department. Let's hope Ferguson cops take the time to stop playing with all their armed assault vehicles, grenade launchers, M4 carbines, deltoid armor and AR15’s to turn the darn things on.
The U.S. Forest Service has published a paper on how to safely roast marshmallows. What's next? "50 Shades of S'mores?"
And … here is today’s Exploding Head Story. If you look around the world and think “Americans are turning into giant wusses,” here’s MORE proof it is painfully true.
The 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters didn’t turn out well for one local man. He was thrown out of the Trussville Regal 16 for attending a screening of Ghostbusters … dressed as a Ghostbuster.
If you’ve seen some of the indie films I’ve done, you’ve seen Brian. He’s a good guy who is a die-hard fan of the film Ghostbusters.* He has full-blown movie quality costumes and props and decided to wear one of the costumes to the anniversary screening at the Trussville Regal. Brian tells me he asked the manager, “Is it OK if I wear this inside?” Manager tells him to go for it so Brian hangs out, people get their pictures made with a Real Ghostbuster and everyone is just happy-dappy. UNTIL … our hero enters the theatre and takes his seat. A man a few rows in front of Brian rushes from the theatre and returns with the manager. The manager told Brian he was disturbing other patrons and had to leave. Apparently people were afraid of a Ghostbuster ... who wanted to watch Ghostbusters.
Long story even longer, Brian offers to change clothes but that’s not good enough and the manager leads him out. Because people are afraid of movie props. It’s not like he was ARMED, it’s a fancy backpack and a hose! Later, our hero calls Regal to say he’s not 100% in love with the fact they treated him like scum and was informed it was their policy to remove people they think might be capable of a mass shooting ala James Holmes in Colorado.
Because a fan wore a costume to a movie. Now, I’m not an investigative journalist, I’m a rodeo clown with a radio show and a questionable news blog BUT I did call the theatre for comment and did not get one. Is THIS what we’re becoming? No one freaks out when they see Storm Troopers outside of a Star Wars movie, and the Troopers are armed. Granted, Stormtroopers can’t hit the broad side of a barn****… but you take my meaning.
Seeing someone in a Ghostbuster costume AT a Ghostbusters screening is completely sane and logical. It is the opposite to think your life is in danger. It’s also insane to think a theatre manager asking a potential spree-killer to leave would avert a tragedy like what happened in Colorado. “Oh! I came to shoot up the place but nevermind now that I know I’m not welcome …” I can only assume the complainy pants man watching Ghostbusters who freaked out over a guy dressed as a Ghostbuster was, in fact, a ghost afraid of getting busted.
*We love our Brian but we do think he’s a little crazy because of this. **
**I’m kidding Brian. ***
***We KNOW you’re crazy.