LMN Happy New Year AGAIN!
by Lisa Mason
posted Dec 31 2013 8:51AM
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Sotomayor will be on hand to drop the ball tonight in Times Square, something many believe the High Court has excelled at recently. Is a judge THAT big of a draw on New Year ’s Eve? We can’t get Shields and Yarnell or a minor Kardashian to do it instead? Sydney's massive celebration had great fireworks and an opera singer. She had quite a range at the lower end of the scale: a real deep C diva.
Want to celebrate New Year ’s Eve by firing off your gun? Birmingham PD says if you get caught, you’ll celebrate six months in jail. Oh that’s not a firearms charge, that’s the penalty for impersonating an Al Qaida member.
I don’t want to do one of those “Year in Review” lists because I have to be across town in 30 minutes and don’t have time to look anything up. However, one of the top stories of 2013 was when Pope Benedict just up and quit! That gave us Pope Francis, who should be the go-to guy when ANYBODY quits. I hear he’s already up for the head coaching job at the Vikings, AND Redskins. I’m taking vacation next week and word is he’ll be filling in for me.
You might not want to get sick or hurt tonight, many new Obamacare enrollees will have neither insurance cards nor proof of registry for tomorrow’s deadline. Or was that deadline moved? I think it was the other deadline of the new deadline that was moved for a different deadline so … if you have Obamacare you should have fought harder to save Cooper Green Hospital.
Chilton County has a problem. OK, a couple problems. Trash, tires and animal carcasses are being dumped in creeks. The county's litter agent says the waterways feed into a river that’s a source of drinking water and a popular swimming spot. Heck year it’s popular! There are old tires to swim through and carcasses to dodge; it’s like an Olympic sport!
Speaking of … the winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia aren’t shaping up to be a hot ticket. Oddly, it’s not due to two terrorist bombings in two days. Travel logistics and a lack of quality hotels are keeping sports fans away. Plus, most tourists can’t pronounce “Sochi” in order to book tickets beyond Thunderdome.
If you wanted to hear more about that elusive, secretive man called Phil Robertson you’re in luck! He’s been reinstated on "Duck Dynasty" but a new video has surfaced in which Robertson talks about the merits of marrying teenage girls. In the clip, Robertson is seen loitering outside a high school as freshman girls file past and saying, “That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
Beyonce says she really DID intend the love song “XO” to be a tribute to the Challenger astronauts, and that’s the reason she samples NASA's audio from the disaster. Since Beyonce is suddenly sooooo interested in space exploration can we send her on that one-way trip to Mars? Aaaaand here we end the year with a news story that includes “Beyonce” and “NASA” in the same sentence. I think this might be the end, people.
A third rescue attempt has been thwarted due to inclement weather, so passengers aboard that Russian ship trapped in Antarctica will remain trapped. One passenger, aboard to study effects of global warming, was heard to say, “We need some freaking global warming up in here right now!” I’ve never been interested in cruises so daily rescue briefings instead of shuffleboard are oddly appealing.
And a few things you need to know…
The Roman Emperor Titus was born yesterday back in 40 AD. In case you're wondering, yes, he had a last name: Adrum.
Americans named President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as the world's most admired living man and woman in 2013, according to a Gallup poll released on Monday. This proves that there is a hallucinogenic drug epidemic in America. Although … admiring a guy who won the presidency even though he’s never run so much as a lemonade stand IS rather an admirable concept for the professionally unqualified. This means I could be elected Prime Minister of Russia! Which is great considering I’m immune to polonium.
It’s the last day of 2013, and I still don’t care with whom Robin Roberts chooses to sleep.
So long and thanks for all the hallucinogenic fish! Dolphins have been recorded chewing on toxic puffer fish. The fish are deadly but in small doses produce trippy effects. The dolphins were viewed acting strangely and gazing at their own reflections after chewing the fish which they shared with their pod-mates. And yes, they passed it on the left-hand side.*
And finally … My New Year’s resolution? I’ll probably keep it at 1280 x 1024 as always.
* I say east, say west, say north and south (on the left hand side). This is gonna make us jump and shout (on the left hand side).