Lisa Mason's Morning News (9-5-13) HEY! We're exactly 8 months away from Cinco d
by Lisa Mason
posted Sep 5 2013 7:58AM
You only THOUGHT you heard his original speech. President Obama said yesterday that he never set a red line on chemical weapons in Syria, but instead "the world did." Therefore, the “world’s” credibility is at stake, not his. I believe Mr. Obama’s exact words were, "I did not have relations with that red line.” After he announced that Congress will vote on authorizing military intervention in Syria, the President went golfing. Is it just me, or are there janitors who spend more time at the White House these days? If you haven’t been following the developments, here it is in a nutshell: Syria kills hundreds of Syrians so we’re going to bomb Syria to show them that killing Syrians is wrong.
Birmingham’s Lifesaver helicopter has gone the way of the Dodo, the Passenger Pigeon and the non-wasted taxpayer money. It’s extinct. The Lifesaver 1 Base closed yesterday with no warning. Birmingham drivers are being encouraged to carry a can of Red Bull with them at all times. It gives you wings! That way you can airlift yourself to the hospital.
The Hoover School board meets at 5:30 tonight to talk budgets and undoubtedly be bombarded by parents angry over the decision to cut school busses. Hoover school officials say they’ll save $2.5 million by eliminating the buses. They might be onto something … imagine how much money the airline industry would save if they eliminated those big bulky engines!
Convicted Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan, was forcibly shaved this week. Some civil libertarians are up in arms, but seriously, MSNBC does the same thing with Rachel Maddow. Anyway, Nidal's been sentenced to death, so it's pretty much a case of "Hair today, gone tomorrow."
The House Immigration Bill still has a lot of obstacles to clear before it will come to a vote. But if any measure can clear tall fences or sneak through an opportunistic hole, I'm putting my money on the Immigration Bill.
And a few things you need to know…
On this date in 1836, Sam Houston was elected president of the Republic of Texas. I used to have a t-shirt from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology... but their initials always got me in trouble.
On this date in 1698, Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. Unshaven peasants re-named him, "Peter the not as great as we originally thought."
If you only get your news from Comedy Central, you’re in luck! Jon Stewart has returned to "The Daily Show" after spending 3-months in the Mideast getting radicalized. Er...I mean directing a movie.
After Lamar Odom's bizarre disappearance, and subsequent DUI arrest, wifey Khloe Kardashian Tweeted, "I wish I were made of steel, but I'm not." Khloe's doctors today confirmed she's actually 95% collagen.
There’s a petition trending on Change.org to recast the actors named to star in "50 Shades of Grey." It also looks like Barack Obama will star in "50 Shades of Red."
Lindsay Lohan says that to protect her fragile sobriety, she did not attend the MTV Video Music Awards. Lindsay is the smart one here. I know I'm still drinking to forget having to explain “twerking” to my parents.
More trouble for Texas A&M. Johnny Manziel has been accused of selling signatures of sarin.
Who doesn’t like a good birthday prank? Plan it well or you might spend a night in jail. Two British women were arrested in Portugal after they were bound, gagged and thrown into a van in what turned out to be a fake kidnapping that was planned to spice up their 40th birthday celebrations. Their friends pulled the stunt on a busy street corner and the abduction looked so real, passersby alerted the cops. Officials later determined that it was in fact just a birthday stunt. Ummm.. are we sure? It would be pretty easy to get away with a real kidnapping. “Sure Officer, I was just planning a surprise for my friend! That’s why I lined my trunk with plastic sheeting and brought chloroform and night vision goggles. It’s gonna be a BIG surprise!”
And finally … The attorney for a man accused of attempting to break into Kid Rock's home back in July says his client was so drunk; he has no recollection of the incident. The attorney says the only thing his client can remember specifically was President Obama saying the use of chemical weapons in Syria would cross a red line.