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Lisa Mason in the Morning

 

Lisa Mason's Morning News (09-20-13) Like yesterday, only not as good.

by Lisa Mason posted Sep 20 2013 8:01AM
As expected, Syria missed the deadline to turn over their chemical weapons so the retaliation will be instant! The UN is sending them another strongly worded letter today.
 
A family from Alabama says they had a disturbing run-in last month with Navy Yard shooter Aaron Alexis. The family was at Norfolk International Airport, when the shooter decided they were laughing at him and started a confrontation.  You can get thrown out by airport security for arguing to keep your nail clippers but you don’t get kicked out for threatening a family? Good to know!
 
The Irish Prime Minister says Ireland has officially exited its recession. You know what a recession is, yes? Its two consecutive quarters of declining productivity. Or, as the Fighting Irish call that, “halftime when playing Alabama.”  
 
CNN says a civil war is brewing within the GOP over the looming government shut down. Wait, Civil war? That means John Kerry’s about to give the GOP gets $1 billion in free money AND automatic weapons! The deal is that some Republicans are threatening to shut down the government* if President Obama doesn't sign a bill defunding ObamaCare. I don't want to ruin "Under the Dome" for you, but nobody’s stockpiling propane or making meth ** in the Capitol.
 
Its’ the penultimate first-world problem: the new iPhones hit stores but all the cool colours are on backorder.  Apple stores in England had to tell the people lined up outside that they’d already sold out of the gold and silver versions and that black was the only colour available.  People in the UK, France and Germany were outraged at the backorder time. I think this is how WWI actually started
 
And a few things you need to know…
 
Alexander the Great was born on this date in the year 356 BC. He was considered one of the greatest leaders of all-time until Oliver Stone got ahold of his story. 
 
In 1951, while it’s luggage somehow arrived at the South Pole, a jet crossed over the North Pole for the first time. Most of the elves thought it was just Donnor or Blitzen flying home from Taco Bell.
 
The French Senate has voted to ban child beauty pageants. Apparently, the senators didn’t want to be responsible for another show like "Honey Parlez Vous Vous."
 
Pope Francis says the Catholic Church should focus less on divisive social issues and instead work on making the church welcoming to all. Donald Trump is demanding to see the Pope's birth certificate.
 
The financial problems at NPR that forced them to shrink their workforce by 10%, will also downsize some of their programming. "All Things Considered" is now, "SOME Things Considered." And "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," becomes, "Go Ahead, Hurry Up and Tell Me!"
 
If you missed it, yesterday was "National Talk Like a Pirate Day." I was so ready but no one appreciated me saying “Hey, wanna buy my illegal copy of the third season of Game of Thrones?”
 
And … The cast of "The Big Bang Theory" is angling for raises. CBS says they may have to change the name of the show to "The Big Bucks for Your Bang Theory."
 
*It never really shuts down, drat the luck.  
 
** That we know of.
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Topics : Politics
Location : AlabamaBritish Columbia
09/20/2013 8:01AM
Lisa Mason's Morning News (09-20-13) Like yesterday, only not as good.
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